Child Visitation 101: Divorce and Splitting Time with Your Kids

Know It Yourself…Child Visitation 101

• In most parenting plans, Mothers have visitation privileges on Mother's Day and fathers get Father's Day. There are no strict rules yet governing Flag, Arbor, or Groundhog Days.
  
• Visitation Rights can be “frustrated” (a legal term), which can lead to parents being "enraged" (not a legal term). In some cases courts will get "involved" (a legal hassle), so frustration of visitation rights is just a bad idea.
  
• Each parent has a legal right to see his or her child, even if the child would rather watch TV.

Many people entering into a divorce don't know what to expect with respect to their children. You should, because a common child means that you and your ex will be connected for a very long time. Child visitation, often pursuant to a parenting plan, can take a variety of forms or schedules; two of the most common are reasonable visitation, which leaves it up to the parents to specify dates and times, and scheduled visitation, which is a fixed schedule.

Whether you will be the custodial or the non-custodial parent, it will help you to understand that visitation arrangements normally include some if not all of the following basic provisions:

1. Alternate weekend visitation with the non-custodial parent, including "three-day holidays"
2. Mid-week visitation with the non-custodial parent
3. Sharing of the child during periods of school recess - winter, spring and summer (often split 50-50)
4. New Year's Eve, Easter, Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Thanksgiving, and Christmas are the kinds of holidays spent with one parent one year, the other parent the next
5. Mother's Day is spent with the mother, Father's Day with the father
6. Parents alternate years on the child's birthday
7. Open and frequent telephone contact by the parent who does not have physical custody of the child
8. Exchange of a few days of visitation here and there, as mutually agreed, without the need for a modification of the court order
9. Emergency situations would potentially require the other parent to take temporary physical custody of the child

Whatever the Child Visitation Schedule ?

Ultimately, the role of parents is to make time with each child a priority and its implementation as painless as possible for the youngster(s). Every situation is different. In most cases, visitation improves a child's sense of family. In other cases, visitation creates strife. The most critical factor is the attitude of the parents. In these situations, when adults behave as adults, they let their children be children.

ON YOUR OWN

Children are the real victims of conflict between their parents. Like everyone involved, they are going through pain, grief, anger, and fear. Adults, however, are better equipped to check such emotions and work side-by-side. If you are going through a proceeding with child support and visitation orders and can truly put your child's best interests ahead of your own, chances are that you will come up with a parenting plan that allows both parents some quality family time. Buck up, for the sake of the kids. Here are our suggestions:

1. As a start, consider breaking your child visitation schedule up according to age and gender. For example: 1) an infant to 18 months: 2) 18 months to two-and-a-half years; (3) two-and-a-half to six years (pre-schoolers); (4) six to12 years (adolescents); (5) 13-18 (teenagers). Dividing up your visitation time into smaller units allows you to lay out different arrangements as the child develops.
2. Work out the practical logistics of scheduling time that meets each particular need. Develop a list of the child's day-to-day care, activities, schoolwork, etc. Consider your child's age, personality, experiences, and ability. Every child is different. Adjust the plan to the child, not the other way around.
3. Keep the child visitation schedule flexible, workable, and feasible. As your children get older and things in their lives change, your plan may need to be revised. If they are of a certain age, children's preferences may be heard and given weight by the judge. This usually requires that the child understand the meaning of telling the truth versus telling a lie-and lying's related consequences.
4. Expect to win and lose: you are not going to get to have the child every single birthday or major holiday. Be willing to make concessions and compromises. Learn to communicate with the co-parent. Cooperation today opens the door for cooperation down the road, when it could count the most.
5. If you work out a child visitation agreement, write it all down when you finish. Consider hiring an attorney for an hour or so to review what you have drafted to ensure that nothing important has been overlooked and that you have not created future bombshells. Trust us, nothing is worse than having the co-parent use against you something that you disregarded as a minor issue.
6. Have the child visitation agreement signed by the judge to ensure that it is upheld. Most judges will approve whatever visitation agreement the two co-parents arrive upon, provided it is in the best interests of the child. This is usually in the form of a stipulation, a form which you can get from the court or from the state's official court-form website.
7. Settle the issue of visitation between yourselves. If you are close to resolution, spending resources on expensive and time-consuming court litigation simply makes no sense. Moreover, there is no guarantee that you will come out with a custody arrangement that you want. What is fair and in the best interests of the child will govern the court's decision.

For More Information
Child Visitation: Denial of Visitation and Restricted Visitation (Supervised Visitation)
Child Visitation: Frustration of Visitation Rights/Non-payment of Support
Child Visitation: Visitation Exchange