Dining Etiquette at Dinner Parties

By Susan M. Keenan

Dining out is simply one of those activities that you either tend to love or tend to hate. Dining at a dinner party happens to fall into the same category, especially if it’s an invitation extended by your new employer, prospective in-laws, or new clients.

Fortunately, a few simple rules of thumb can help to create a pleasant, stress free experience, while allowing you to appear as the gracious guest that you have learned to be. Utilize elements from both the social graces and simple table manners to present a picture perfect image of the dinner guest everyone loves to invite.

When you receive the invitation:

• Respond promptly.
• Be energetic and cheery with your acceptance.
• If you need to exclude yourself from the gathering, express sincere regrets.
• Offer to bring something, even if you know that you will be told that nothing is needed.
• Purchase something to bring along anyway as a gift. Avoid wine unless you know what you are having for dinner. Avoid sweets if anyone is a diabetic. A simple bouquet of flowers is always appreciated, unless someone has allergies.

When you arrive:

• Come bearing gifts. It truly is the thought that counts, so think about the gift for your host or hostess and make it meaningful.
• Greet your host and/or hostess first. Express a bit of gratitude for being invited to such a lovely event.
• Greet other guests, introducing yourself to those with whom you are unfamiliar.
• Secure your coat, hat, or purse in the coat checking area.
• If it has been a long drive, use the powder room to freshen up before dinner is served.
• If cocktails are being offered, only accept one if you truly want it. Carrying around a full glass is worse than not carrying one around at all.

When dinner arrives:

• Take your cues from your host/hostess. Once the host has placed the diner napkin into his lap, then it is time for you to follow suit.
• Never shake your napkin with a flourish before placing it into your lap. A gentle, unobtrusive swish is fine to loosen the napkin’s folds for easy placement.
• If your napkin accidentally falls to the floor, retrieve it silently and carefully. There’s no need to draw attention to your sloppiness, even if it was unintentional.
• Do not begin eating your meal, that includes sampling a bit here or there, until every guest has been served.
• Do not begin eating your meal until the host/hostess has begun to eat. Perhaps grace will be said or a toast will be given.
• Do not drink from your glass if a toast has been given to you. Instead, smile graciously and thank the speaker once he or she has finished making the toast.
• Do not season your food until after you have tasted it. Even if you are familiar with the type of cooking that you are being served, sample it before adding anything to it. Adding salt, pepper, or other condiments before tasting your food is typically viewed as an insult to your hostess. However, adding such flavorings after you have tasted your food is socially acceptable.
• Be a gracious guest and stand up to greet newcomers. Wait until they are seated before you sit down again.
• Turn your cell phone off before the dinner begins. Accepting the dinner invitation means that you have blocked this time frame to spend with these individuals.
• Use the proper tools for the proper purposes. If you are unsure, watch the other dinner guests and follow their motions.
• Stimulate charming conversation and steer away from political, religious, or parenting topics since these tend to stir up emotion and usually have a way of ending up badly. Avoid criticism of anyone or anything, even those not present.
• Practice social pleasantries. Compliment, compliment, and compliment. People love to hear pleasant things spoken about them. It simply puts a smile to their face and a pleasant memory next to your name.

When dinner is over:

• Graciously thank your host/hostess for a wonderful meal and gathering. A simple handshake given with a verbal thank you goes a long way to creating a lasting impression.
• Offer a farewell to your other dinner companions.

© Doityourself.com 2006