21st Century Divorce: What About My Name?

By DoItYourself.com Staff

Gertrude Stein once said, "A rose is a rose is a rose." But that's not always the case.

Twenty-first century women often choose to retain their own name when getting married, but custom usually dictates that a woman assume her husband's surname when they wed. Sure, when we're wildly in love, especially when planning to have children with this man, the idea of taking on his last name is romantic and wonderful. But what about when love ends?

In every state, unless the woman specifically requests, she will keep her married name after divorce. This can be convenient in several ways. For instance, if she is well known by her married name in business, changing her last name would be confusing and cumbersome. Or, if there are school-age children of the marriage with Dad's surname, it is often simpler for Mom to keep the same name that her kids have. It saves a lot of explaining. Another reason to keep the ex's moniker would be if her prior or maiden name is unpronounceable or infamous.

There are, however, a lot of good reasons for a woman to revert to her previous surname. If there are no school-age children involved, there's really no reason not to. In fact, going back to her pre-marriage name can be entirely liberating. Untangling a bad marriage is never easy; taking her name back can help a newly-divorced woman find her way back to herself. Keeping the Ex's last name binds her, even if in the most ethereal way, to the man she needs to be rid of.

Look at it this way, if you will: the tradition of a woman assuming her husband's last name comes from the day when she was considered to be "property" of the man - not entirely unlike how freed slaves were often given their former owner's surname. When viewed in that light, it would seem natural for a woman to want her own name back as soon as possible. When a woman is committed enough to her freedom to seek divorce, she should do everything in her power to extricate herself from "him." Retrieving her own name is a fine first step toward freedom and finding her own path again. The sooner, the better.

So, how does one go about this name-retrieval? The papers required for a divorce decree will have a place where she can check a box stating that she wants to go back to using her maiden name. Then, it's on to the business of letting her friends, family and business associates know about the change. There are several Internet sites that offer packages of printed business cards for only the cost of shipping - these can make the task of advising everyone quite simple. Whatever effort is takes is worth it. Divorce is never a very nice thing to go through, but going back to her "real" name can help a woman get back into her own life again.

© Doityourself.com 2006