There's No Room on the Bed

By Stephanie Hancock

I have two very big, very lovable dogs. Ceile is a Golden Retriever and Zoë is a Great Pyrenees. Ceile weighs about 95 pounds and Zoë weighs 120 pounds. Every night when we go to bed, it's the same old, same old. Let the girls outside to do their thing and have one last romp, then it's time for bed.

"OK girls, time for bed," I call. The ears perk up and their heads tilt to the side as I start running for the bedroom. Yes, I said running - because in three seconds, two very large and very lovable dogs are going to run full tilt through the house to beat me to the bedroom.

As usual, every night, they catch me and bowl me over. Every night, just like the one before - WHACK! The dog in the lead runs into the bedroom door. It's become a tradition. My boyfriend, Rick, waits in the living room while the dogs and I battle for the bedroom. On occasion, I have even fallen over and been trampled by my pets. But it's no matter - I get up, dust myself off and open the door.

The first thing I say when I get into my room is "Get off the bed, there's no room for me with you on it." Usually they happily oblige and get onto the floor while I undress and get into bed. As soon as I am in bed, the dogs are on the bed and I am pinned.

This is when Rick usually enters the room. The first thing he says when he gets into the bedroom every night is, "Get off the bed, there's no room for me with you on it." The dogs raise their heads and blink in mild surprise at him but they don't move. He undresses and turns to them and says, once again, "Get off the bed, there's no room for me with you on it." They just blink their big sad brown eyes at him hoping he will for once concede and go sleep on the couch.

"OK, ladies," I pipe in. "Get down now." A soft boot to the bottom is the most it takes and they slowly get up, stretch, whack me in the face/arm/chest with their massive wagging tails and slowly slink off the bed and onto the floor. Rick dives into bed - he has to, because if too much time elapses from the time they get off to the time he gets in, we start the vicious cycle all over again.

The second the lights are off and the breathing sounds get heavier, they are back up on the bed. They aren't stupid dogs; they know if they nose our body parts gently that they can manipulate our position on the bed to make enough room for them. Every morning, we wake up to the sound of the alarm, legs numb from a dog head being draped across them and our bodies askew on the bed in a variety of weird contortions. "Get off the bed, there's no room for me with you on it," we both pipe up in unison. No one moves - we have to disentangle ourselves in order to get up. We do our best not to disturb our sleeping beauties for fear we will get "the look" if we wake them prematurely.

Besides, it's the one part of the day that we can have five minutes without them staring at us wanting to go out, get food, pet them, play with them, etc. etc., ad infinitum. It is the one time that we both know we can just look at our beautiful girls and enjoy them.

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