By Susan M. Keenan
Dealing with the emotional roller coaster that follows the death of a spouse or the end of a relationship can be emotionally draining. Add to that the task of single parenting and you have created a scenario that only the strongest are ready to meet. Fortunately, whether you are ready for the challenge or not, there are certain strategies that can ease you into the transition and help to prepare you for what lies ahead.
Starting Out
The most important step that you should take is to meet the task head on. Don’t allow any time to slip by before you begin. Even though you need time to grieve your loss and recoup some of your desire to continue living, the best thing for you to do is to compartmentalize your life into grieving time, working time, planning time, and living time.
Allow yourself some time to feel sorrow and regret if your spouse walked out on you or to grieve over the loss of a spouse, but set aside the notion that you can sit and wallow in your loss. Remember that the best way to learn from a setback is to get right back up and try, try, and try until you succeed.
After a few days leave of absence, go back to work. If you already have a job, the company will be glad to see you back. If you weren’t working at the time, start looking through the want ads, both in the newspaper and online. Get a job, any job, and start to acquire a flow of cash to pay the bills.
Spend some time looking over your assets and debits. Calculate how much income you need to get by just to survive. If you aren’t at that level, figure out a way to get there, whether it involves cutting back, eliminating, borrowing, or getting a different job. In fact, a combination of all of these steps may be just the ticket needed to survive this bumpy ride.
Now that you're on the road to getting your life back on track, begin enjoying the simple pleasures of life again. Spend time with family and friends. Read a book. Learn to make homemade soft pretzels or bagels. Take a walk through a new part of town and explore new stores, but go with a friend so you’ll be safer and less apt to get lonely. Remember that each stage in life teaches us, and you have more to learn.
Planning Financial Stability
Keeping records of your financial transactions is a great way to start a financial plan, not only for the initial stages of sadness and stress that typically follow a death or divorce, but also, throughout the years. If you maintain records, then making your payments on time is a much easier task. Additionally, a set of good financial records allows others to step in and take care of things should the need arise for you to be away for a while for a business trip or hospital stay.
Store important documents together. A safety deposit box at your bank, a fireproof safe, or even a locked cabinet is a good location for storing important paperwork. Know what documents are important enough to keep at hand and easily accessible. Prioritize your bills. Pay your bills on time to avoid late fees and interest charges.
A key concept to clearly understand is the relationship between your income and the level of your debt. Obviously, your total monthly expenses should not exceed total your total monthly income. Total monthly expenses include whatever monthly portion needs to go toward annual bills such as property taxes, homeowner’s insurance, and car insurance.
Therefore, figure out your necessary expenses, such as mortgage, insurance costs, taxes, utilities, groceries, fuel, and required services, such as vehicle inspections and emissions tests. Next, figure out all of the incidental expenses: doctor bills, prescription costs, dental bills, clothing and shoes, etc. Write down each daily, monthly, and annual expense. The amount that you spend and what you think you spend, may be entirely different.
Making Small Changes
If your total expenditures exceed the income, then you only have two choices- spend less money or earn more money. Even though neither choice may be appealing to you, realize that it may be a temporary situation. If most of your bills are paid and the remaining debt is not too large, a temporary decrease in spending may be all that you need.
Look for ways to decrease spending. Incorporate them into your daily routine. Decrease your spending in as many areas as possible. Forego eating out with coworkers or before and after the kids after school activities. Twenty dollars goes a lot farther in the supermarket than it does at a fast food place.
Skip expensive coffee and drink the generic brand. Borrow daily newspapers or get your news on the nightly version on television. Avoid the latest periodical or novel- you have your own drama going on right now anyway. Lottery tickets might bring you a large windfall that you can use right about now, but they are more than likely to leave you with no spare cash when the kids come around begging for money to pay for the school trip.
Quite often, small changes in spending habits are overlooked because they appear to have minimal benefit. However, they are the easiest and least painful changes to make, and they can quickly add up to the minimum payment that you need to make on your monthly credit card bill. In fact, use the savings, if possible, to make a larger payment on the credit card balance. Next month’s bill will be that much smaller, and so will the interest charges.
Making Larger Changes
However, if your bills are numerous and your income is small, then an increase in income is merited. In fact, a decrease in spending and an increase in income may even be necessary depending on your circumstances. A part-time job may become a necessary evil on top of the job that you already have.
Unfortunately, working two jobs can be increasingly stressful. Remember though that acquiring a second job is temporary, just until you get the bills under control. Set a realistic quitting date so that you have a light at the end of that tunnel. Be careful not to sabotage your goals, such as continued charging on your credit card.
Realize that acquiring a part-time job may not be that difficult. Different seasons are more conducive to acquiring part-time seasonal work. Certain industries pick up extra employees during the summer months as well as during the winter holiday season.
Additional Alternative Options
If getting a second job is impossible, there are still things you can do that you may not have thought of yet. Temporarily disconnect satellite or cable television. Go back to dial up Internet instead of DSL. Eliminate add on features to your telephone service completely, such as call forwarding and call waiting. Go back to a single telephone in the home and forget about having a cell phone. Everyone else has one anyway, so you can just borrow one in an emergency.
Plan economy meals and shop in bulk. If you’ve never eaten leftovers before, try it and you might find that you like it. Take your hard earned savings and use them to pay off your credit card debt. Start with the smallest bill first because you will reap the reward of one less bill more quickly. Start a personal rainy day savings plan, even if it means only putting away a few coins each week.
Desperate times sometimes call for desperate measures. If necessary, consolidate your debts with a debt consolidation loan. Your payments will be smaller.
© Doityourself.com 2006
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