EVERYTHING YOU WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT EXERCISE AND DIETS BUT WERE AFRAID TO ASK - EXPLAINED IN LAYMAN'S TERMS.

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats and that's it. Don't
waste it on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding
up your heart will not make you live longer.

It's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster.

Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables.

Therefore, a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.

Need grain? Eat chicken.

Beef is also a good source of field grass green leafy vegetable.

A pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.

Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?

A: It goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables.
As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable.

We all know that beer and wine are not animal and they are not on the endanged species list. So have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.

Q: How can I calculate my body to fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is
one to one. If you have two bodies your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry.
My philosophy is: No Pain Is Good....

Q: If I stop smoking, will I live longer?

A: Nope. Smoking is a sign of individual statement and peace of
mind. If you stop, you'll probably stress yourself to death in record time.

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.
In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?

A: Thicker gravy.

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? Cocoa beans are another vegetable!!!
It's the best feel good food you may even find!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. Have a cookie. Flour is a veggie!

One more thing point, "When life hands you lemons, ask for a bottle of tequila."

 

More Dieting Humor...

Hello Topic Readers:

If you're like me or similar to myself, you over eat too often and eat too much. You gained pounds of ugly fat and are presently attempting to lose the added weight you have or gained.

Thus far, the weight loss effort attempted is a struggle, a total disappointment and or a miserable failure...

Not to despair....Have confidence.

I have 2 "PROVEN" weight loss methods sure to help you.

NO meetings to attend.
NO charts and or graphs to fill in.
NO special foods to prepare and or cook.
NO scales are needed to measure weightloss success.
NO counting of any calories is required.
NO dieting pills, drinks or special medications are required.
NO exercise is ever required and or needed.
NO doubt 1 of these "PROVEN" methods will work for you.
NO failures have ever been noted using method 2.

Here are the 2 " Dieting Weight Loss Methods."

Method #1

Next time your at your favorite grocery store, purchase 12 boxes of "Healthy Cereal." I know what your thinking now. Tom made a calculation error. 12 boxes of cereal has to be an error.

Absolutely not! 12 boxes is NOT a keyboard typing error nor any calculation error. It is correct. YES! BUY 12 boxes.

Follow this dieting plan until ALL 12 boxes of your chosen brand and type of "Healthy Cereal" are completely finished.

"Healthy Cereal" is defined here as ANY brand and type of cereal of your choosing. The only requirement is that your "Healthy Cereal" choice must be: Low in Fats, Low in Sugar, Low in Salt, both looks and tastes TERRIBLE!. Tasting TERRIBLE also helps to insure eating less & weight loss.

Eat 3-4 bowl fulls, containing 2 cup fulls each per bowl serving per day. Adding only 4 ounces of low fat or skim milk per bowl.

Have one bowl full of your chosen "Healthy Cereal" for Breakfast, another bowl as a snack between Breakfast and Lunch, a bowl full for Lunch and once again another bowl full between Lunch and Dinner.

At dinner time you can eat anything you normally eat and or desire having. Consider Dinner as a TREAT! Eat whatever and however much you like, as long as you do so 3 or more hours prior to bedtime.

I almost always guaranty that you WILL lose 10 pounds or more of UGLY fat using this method. If this plan does not work for you, doesn't work quickly enough for you or isn't to your likling, your only remaining choice is having to resort to method 2...

Be advised that method # 2 is ALWAYS fast, ALWAYS successful, ALWAYS unpleasant. Scroll down to discover this proven method.
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Regards & Good Luck Dieting.
An Always "Happy & Constantly Dieting" Web Site Host & Multiple Forum Moderator.
Sharp Advice.