Men have simple Rules.

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  #1  
Old 10-13-03, 08:38 AM
marturo's Avatar
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Posts: 1,448
Smile Men have simple Rules.

Men's rules


> > > We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the
rules
> > > from the male side. These are our rules!
> > >
> > > Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
> > >
> > > 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put
it
> > > down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining
> > > about you leaving it down.
> > >
> > > 1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
> > > tides. Let it be.
> > >
> > > 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it
> > > that way.
> > >
> > > 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do
> > > not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just
say
> it!
> > >
> > > 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
question.
> > >
> > > 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's
> > > what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
> > >
> > > 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
> > >
> > > 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
> > > fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
> > >
> > > 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect
us
> > > to act like soap opera guys.
> > >
> > > 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
> > >
> > > 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the
ways
> > > makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
> > >
> > > 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
> > > done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it
> yourself.
> > >
> > > 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
> > > commercials.
> > >
> > > 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
> > >
> > > 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach,
> > > for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have
> > > no idea what mauve is.
> > >
> > > 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
> > >
> > > 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
> > > nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
> hassle.
> > >
> > > 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer
> > > you don't want to hear.
> > >
> > > 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
> > > fine.....Really.
> > >
> > > 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
> > > discuss such topics as football, women, or computer games.
> > >
> > > 1. You have enough clothes.
> > >
> > > 1. You have too many shoes.
> > >
> > > 1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
> > >
> > > 1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
couch
> > > tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like
camping.
 
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  #2  
Old 10-14-03, 11:38 AM
mattison's Avatar
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Location: Cinti, OH
Posts: 5,549
And all the men said AMEN.
 
  #3  
Old 10-15-03, 05:30 PM
slumlordfrank's Avatar
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Posts: 702
To which let us add:

1(a) Do not ask shoe advice from anyone who only owns 3 pair, two of which are sneakers.

1(a) Don't ask me if something makes your butt look fat. What in your years of experience with me makes you think I would ever give an answer implying your butt is fat.

1(a) Because it needed "adjusting".

1(a) Guess what! All of the "miracle" cleaning products, that are "As Seen on TV", only work if you supply the muscle. Just owning them won't clean the blinds, ceiling fans or anything else. Don't buy them if you're not prepared to operate them.

1(a) No, I'm not going to buy my own underwear, ever. My mother did it for 18 years, the US military did it for 4. It's on you now. If it all went away tomorrow, I'd survive.

1(a) Smell? What smell?

1(a) How was I to know that liquid dishwashing soap and a dishwasher were not a good combination? They're both for washing dishes, right?

1(a) Honey, when the officer asked if I knew how fast I was going, it was a rhetorical question.

1(a) 3 pair of Dockers (or equivalent) blue, gray, black (or tan)$75, 4 shirts, one blue, one brown, one yellow, one tan, $80, 2 pair of shoes, one black one brown, no reason to try on the second pair, the first pair fit, $150. One bag of 6 pair of sweat socks, $15.

Being in and out of the department store in less than $15 minutes, PRICELESS.

Frank

1(a)
 
  #4  
Old 10-16-03, 08:41 AM
GwyniChaela
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Posts: n/a
I would just like to point out, this is not the rule, just the average!!!

I have an ex-husband who owns more clothes/shoes than I have in my entire life, and my current man is the same way! He has three-quarters of the closet, and I get one bar!!!!!

LOL

 
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