trying to help

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  #1  
Old 01-31-04, 05:32 PM
Vicki James
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trying to help

Hello,
Looking for advice. I work with a man who has been married about ten years, four children in which three are his. His wife treats him terrible. She is verbally abusive to him. I have met her twice and both times could not believe how she treated him. His freinds say she is always like that. What can I do to make him expect more from her. I dont want to hurt their relationship as they have been through counseling and have split a few times. I know he wants to be there for his kids and I think he loves her. I dont understand why he would stay and was looking for advice on how to deal with it, especially when she berates him.

Vicki
 
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  #2  
Old 02-01-04, 06:28 AM
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Personally, I would stay away from that one. It sounds like a situation that would likely put you as the bad guy (girl) and a no winner. Unless you have an interest in this man I would leave it to the experts who have obviously not made a dent in it.

It almost sounds like he likes the situation, some people do like being miserable. I was for 32 years before I figured out why I was so miserable. I am now a happy man.
 
  #3  
Old 02-01-04, 06:35 AM
Dave_D1945's Avatar
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As Ann Landers would have said......"MYOB"!!

Until or unless he asks for your help, you'll probably be seen as a busy body.
 
  #4  
Old 02-06-04, 10:44 AM
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i have a few thoughts about this:

he's been with her for 10 years. she was probably like that when they were dating so he knew what he was getting into.

he's obviously decided that keeping his family together is worth accepting the situation as it is. maybe once the kids are all out of the house, he'll free himself of her. but for now, this is a sacrifice he's willing to make to be with his children - they're only young and at home for a short time. apparently, that's more important to him than his own personal happiness.

did he ask you for advice? if not, stay out of it. they've acknowleged they have a problem as evidenced by their seeking out counseling in the past. now they're dealing with it. you don't understand it and that's frustrating to you, but leave it alone.

he's a big boy. he knows he could leave if he wanted to. for some people, being in a bad situation is still better than being alone.

just be there for him.
 
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Old 02-06-04, 01:30 PM
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I have to agree with everyone here about not getting involved unless asked. Your heart is in the right place.

Also remember, that sometimes love is stronger than the discomfort the one you love can cause you. It may be for the kids, or because he knew what he was getting into and wanted to make it work.

If they've been in counseling then he knows what his options are, and when he's ready, and that's if he's ever ready, then he will do things differently.

Its really nice to hear about how much you care. However, unless he's complaining about it to you, or asking for help then there isn't anything wrong with the relationship in his eyes - don't interfere.

Kay
 
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Old 02-14-04, 09:48 PM
Vicki James
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Hello,

Thanks for all the advice. I will stay out of it.

Vicki
 
  #7  
Old 02-16-04, 12:22 PM
supersteve
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good idea vicki. Stay out. I'm in the same kind of marriage right now and my friends just keep their distance. I do love her in a sense, but the kids are kind of more important. When there is more time to be with her then we'll be able to work out our differences. Just hang in there and pray for him. He needs help, but not the kind of help we can give. Have faith. Things will turn around for him in the near future.
 
  #8  
Old 02-21-04, 05:34 PM
Vicki James
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Steve,

Thanks and goodluck to you and yours.

Vicki
 
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