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  #1  
Old 11-18-04, 10:29 AM
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Thumbs down Smokers

is it rude/out of the question to ask smokers to refrain from smoking in their own home, when they've invited you and your small children there for dinner?

should you HAVE to ask them to not smoke around small children? especially when the children are their own grandchildren? ...in this day and age, when we all know the harm secondhand smoke does? ...when they are fully aware of how much we detest smoke?

what about a compromise, such as they go into a bedroom or garage to light up while we're there?

the grandmother smokes cigs; the husband smokes a godawful stinky cigar.

the situation is coming up this Thanksgiving and i'm dreading it.

it's the reason we never go to visit them, and they are aware of that. should i address the issue beforehand or just wait & see if they light up in front of us? and if they do, then ask them politely if they'd mind going into the next room? cuz that's my plan.....(waiting til they do).....

if you're a smoker, would that request offend you?
 
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Old 11-18-04, 10:36 AM
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As a former smoker, that would not offend me, assuming I was asked politely and ahead of time. Especially if there are kids involved.

If they have a problem with the request, you can always decline the invitation, respectfully stating that as the reason.

On the other hand, if the smoker is truly going to be a schmuck about it, and it's family, sometimes you just have to deal with it.

Bottom line is that they should respect your wishes as the guest (that was INVITIED, uninvited is a different story). Them having to go outside to smoke one day a year won't kill them.

Common sense rules all in this situation, Annette.

Good luck.

Chris
 
  #3  
Old 11-18-04, 10:49 AM
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It wouldn't offend me however it probably would offend most people. Being family and them knowing that you do not wish your children subjected to this atmosphere they have a choice to make. Either they refrain from smoking or not have the Grandchildrens company. I would acknowledge that before the holiday comes if you are that adament about it. My Mother-in-law doesn't smoke and me and my wife both do. When we go there, we go outside to smoke (and we lived there for 4 months in wintertime) and when she comes here she doesn't complain. It's an agreement between us. I would not have a problem at all with giving in for one day if a childs welfare was at stake and I have smoked for over 40 years. My home is my castle, but I don't want it to be a lonely castle.
 
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Old 11-18-04, 11:05 AM
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majak:

so when your MIL comes to your house, you just keep on smoking when she's in the same room, huh?
 
  #5  
Old 11-18-04, 11:19 AM
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Yeah, Like I said, it's an agreement. She has no allegies or medical reasons (which I would consider if she did) she just doesn't like it. Her husband (now deceased) smoked so I feel it is just a personal preference she can exercise in her own home.
 
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Old 11-18-04, 11:31 AM
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Them having to go outside to smoke one day a year won't kill them.
that's what i say, too, but my husband says that it won't kill US to BREATHE it one day a year...........so he won't say anything (it's his mom).

ahh, the holidays..........thank God next year is at MY mom's house!

thanks for your opinions, guys - appreciate it!

Happy Thanksgiving to both of y'all!!!
 
  #7  
Old 11-18-04, 03:21 PM
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another option for the future...give them a nice ceiling vent fan for christmas, or even a family project for thanksgiving. those things can help alot, and they might even like it themselves, especially if it means more visits from you.
 
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Old 11-30-04, 01:18 PM
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Thumbs down update <cough>

just an update on how my Thanksgiving Smoke-A-Thon went:

we entered the very small duplex to find the mother-in-law currently smoking in the kitchen, along with a surprise guest (step-father-in-law's sister) also smoking. Father-in-law, surprisingly, was not smoking his usual cigar, nor did he ever light up while we were there. but the other 2 women lit up several times, even with my 2 little ones in the room. we all stayed in the living room for the most part, except for when we had to go in the kitchen to eat. i, of course, as usual, wimped out & said nothing. mostly because i was too stunned to say anything.

it was only 3 1/2 hours. i guess we survived it. now we're good for another 2 years!!!

needless to say, the minute we got back home, we all changed clothes & threw everything into the washer! P-U!

okay......i'm done whining now!!! thanks for letting me vent!
 
  #9  
Old 11-30-04, 07:49 PM
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At least dad in law had respect for you guys. I would take the time to send him a thank you card letting him know how much you appreciated his efforts. As an ex-smoker myself it's amazing how ranchid the odar the smoke leaves and smokers don't even smell it.
 
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Old 12-03-04, 10:27 AM
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Annette,
thanks for bringing up something many people won't talk about, and especially sharing the 'day after stuff' with us.
-I really liked Mattison's suggestion, if you follow that up-who knows,- they may all have become civilised by the next time.
 
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Old 12-03-04, 07:13 PM
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Originally Posted by mattison
At least dad in law had respect for you guys. I would take the time to send him a thank you card letting him know how much you appreciated his efforts. As an ex-smoker myself it's amazing how ranchid the odar the smoke leaves and smokers don't even smell it.
Ahh, positive reinforcement for appropriate behaviour. First thing they teach you when training a pet and first thing they teach you in any "team building seminars".

A note to D-I-L, recognizing his consideration would be most appropriate. Focus on the positive, not the negative.
 
  #12  
Old 12-03-04, 07:33 PM
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You ask if it's rude to ask smokers to refrain from smoking in their own home. In my opinion, yes it is rude. Absolutely. In fact it's rude to question anyone's behavior in their own home. It's their home, they can do as they please.

However - because of obvious health concerns, it's understandable that you would not want to expose kids (much less yourself) to that sort of environment. When invited - or later if necessary - I would straight out tell them that while you sincerely appreciate the invitation to dinner (or whatever), in good conscience you cannot allow your children to breathe that air. I would also tell them that you understand the satisfaction they derive from smoking - and you would not want to deny them that pleasure. Again - thank them, and then decline in a respectful manner - along with a brief explanation if you want. But do make the explanation brief.

If they understand your feelings on the matter, that's fine. If they understand to the point where they tell you that they want you to attend AND will not smoke during that time period, that's even better. If they say they understand - but simply leave it at that, then that's okay too. In the end, they'll enjoy their smokes and you will have done what's best for your children. That's my take on it, anyway.

Aarno
 
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