Selfish friend & neighbor.

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  #1  
Old 04-28-05, 02:38 PM
JoeST
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Selfish friend & neighbor.

I just can't stand a friend of mine anymore & need to rant to someone about it so here it goes. I have been pretty good friends with this guy for about the last twelve years or so now. We have quite a bit in common, cars, steroes,he got me into skeet shooting, I got him into moutain bikeing (well sorta of ) Were both sarcastic as hell all the time, it's actley kinda funny cause most people just don't know what to think because of the way we hammer insults at each other all the time. But over the last year he has just turned into a lasy self centered POS. I can't staind it anymore because anymore anything I do he has to try to do better, But he always wonts my help. Good example last year my wife & I bought our first house ( Right behind him & his wife ) I thought it would be pretty cool having already good friend as a neighbor ( WRONG) Anyway right after I moved in I started to re wire & re plumb my house. Well Mr good friend decided that he needed to re do his as well just as I was starting mine. Heres the funny part I done everything in my house entirley by myself, but I can't tell you how many times he had to put in his opinon on what I should use for wire & how I should do my plumbing Ext. But at the same time he would come over all the damn time wonting help pulling some wire for his house or asking me how he should run something all while he new I was in the middle of doing mine, but what the hell His was more important right? Well all said & done I got mine done, his house still isnt finished. After that I started to re model my basement, well guess who just had to re model as well. Yet again I can hardley get any of my own stuff done because he wont leave me alone to help him do work to his. Some of this is my own fault as I have a hard time telling someone that I wont help if they ask but talk about timeing.
Anyhow to get to what is really getting to annoy the crap out of me. First thing is he is just a lazy ass. He makes up every excuse he can think of not to get a job. His wife makes pretty good money so he thinks he can set back & take it easy. But at the same time he is always *****ing about how they never have any money. Funny thing how you have no money when you have to buy a bran new motorcycle that he almost never rides, plus a new moutain bike that almost never gets ridden, a crap load of new tools that he wont ever use, parts for his truck that he dosent need but makes up stories to his wife so he can buy them & the list goes on & on. And every time he buys anything he has to ask me first what I think & try to make it a point that what he is buying is better than something I have.
Heres the other thing. I'm into hometheater quite a bit & have a (what I would say an above average system). And I'll be damned if everytime I turn on a movie or play some music he has to call & gripe. Now I will be the first to turn whatever I'm playing down if it really is a problem, but I cannot enjoy my stuff for nothing if he is home. One day I got so tired of hearing him complane about it that I went over to his house just to see how loud it was in his. I played the bassiest CD I could think of, turned it up to the loudest level I would ever listine & went to his house. In my house it is Very loud, to the point that you have to yell to hear someone just a couple feet away. Outside my house you can hear fairley easley what is being played, this is with doors & windows shut. In his house all you hear is a faint amount of bass. Now keep in mind that this is the loudest I would ever listine to anything at, & my normal volume levels are way below how loud this was at.
My kids & wife will sleep through anything I play at my normall levels if that says anything. In fact I have never had any other neighbor complane EVER about my stereo. I have even asked other neighbors before when I play something at loud levels if it bothered them, most of the time that say they never heard it at all. My self I really think he is jelous because he dosent have a set up as nice as I do & its the one thing his wife wont let him do is a system like I have. So it's almost like he just feels compelled to take any enjoyment I get from it away by calling & *****ing every time I have it on. And of corse he says it's bothering his wife & she can't sleep. Well BS I know it is almost unnoticable in his house playing at insane levels in mine so how the hell is he going to hear it at low levels in mine that it would be a problem in his?
Anyway this is what started my whole rant. This past Saterday he called as usual around 8:30p.m. trying to play it off as something else, but I knew why he was calling, because I was playing some music. And damn if it never fails about 10:00p.m. or so he actley got his wife to call. Now heres what really ticks me off, he always complanes about the bass saying he can hear it. Well after the first call I turned off my subs running nothing but my mains which are far from being able to produce any serious bass, & definelty nothing he could hear in his house at any volume. So now ever since Sat he hasnt talked to me one time (pretty nice actley). I even asked the neighbor next to me if I had bothered him that night he said he never heard my stereo at all & his house is closer than my friends. So to me he is just picking about senceless crap because he can.
Anyway I'll quit rambeling for a bit I'm just getting real sick of this crap & I'm about to tell him where to shove it. I've questioned for the last few months just how much of a friend he really is, & I'm starting to think not much of one. Theres lots of reasons for that that I've let slide by but I wont get into everything now, I think I've drug you all down enough for now.
 
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  #2  
Old 04-29-05, 12:35 AM
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I think we've all been in your shoes. Bad part is you've invested a good chunk of money by moving in behind him. You had a great relationship before moving near him and apparently he is one of those suburban "keep ahead of the Joneses" types and I'll bet it has not one thing to do with you as a person or a friend. We have a couple on our culdesac just like that and they can't stand it when someone gets something better than them.

Hopefully you guys can work it out and continue to be good friends.
 
  #3  
Old 04-29-05, 05:19 AM
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you need to learn how to say no. enlist your wife, if you need to. play the good cop/bad cop routine on him. tell him your wife won't let you help him out with his projects until you finish your projects at home. that takes the pressure off you, and still lets him know that you're willing to help him, too, but just LATER.

and remember that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. clearly, he's impressed by you & wants what you've got, but lacks the initiative to do it on his own. he sounds very insecure & immature. and now since you're so close to him, you're ultra-accessible. he probably can't resist bugging you. and being unemployed, he's got nothing but time on his hands to think about projects to do, but he needs your help with all of them!

if you aren't getting anything out of the relationship anymore, and you don't think you'd miss him if he were gone, then end it. set him free & allow him to latch onto someone else.
 
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Old 04-29-05, 09:27 AM
JoeST
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if you aren't getting anything out of the relationship anymore, and you don't think you'd miss him if he were gone, then end it. set him free & allow him to latch onto someone else.

That statement makes it sound like I'm getting of a girlfriend or something
No Really its always nice to have friends around & I thought he was a better friend than what I'm finding him to be anymore. But If he wonts to play his games like he has been hes not a friend worth keeping around.

As for getting my wife involved, trust me she can't stand him so she is just waiting to let loose on him, I just wouldent allow it before now. My wife & I are just dieing for him to call or come over cause I told her to let him have it if she wonted to (I almost feel sorry for him if she dose ). I'm the set back & take alot of crap & keep my mouth shut kinda person up untill a certin point. But now my wife, if she knows that something is getting at me & I don't say anything she normally will. And when she knows I don't care anymore it can get nasty real fast.
I got into a good arugment with him back a couple months ago where alot of things got said, but there are alot of things I didn't say that need to be. I'm just really tired of being around someone so self cenerted & lazy. He thinks he is better than everyone else or has to try to be.
You should get in a car with him. He is one of those jerks that will be the first to ride your ass, cut you off, or turn right in front of you & think he has the right to. But the first time someone is on his butt he will jump on the brakes, & try to cut him off or turn in front of him watch out. He is the kind of person that shouldent be allowed to ride a moped let alone drive a car, but yet somehow he gets away with it. I really can't waite untill he has a wreck or gets caught trying to run someone down, I'm gonna just laugh & point, saying I told you so.
Anyway I feel better now after ranting some more, thanks for putting up with my rambling.
 
  #5  
Old 04-29-05, 09:36 AM
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That statement makes it sound like I'm getting of a girlfriend or something
sorry - i was afraid it sounded that way! but really, relationships are relationships. you either enjoy someone's company or you don't. period.

maybe, after you let him have it (this time), if you can manage to say ALL the things to him that you've got to say, maybe he'll actually wake up & change. it sounds like he's just gotten too needy & clingy. probably because he doesn't work or have any other friends or interests (or kids?). i'd be interested to hear how this pans out. please post back after the "intervention"!
 
  #6  
Old 04-29-05, 12:26 PM
JoeST
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He is a new parent within the last year. I never really thought but I suppose some of it could be that. But I know even if that was the case it wouldent be all of it. There are alot of things he has always done that I didn't like much but I just kinda overlooked them (comments about my wife being one of them ). It just seames to have been amplifyed over the past year since I bought my house behind his. I really don't know what will happen, I havent heard the first thing out of him for almost a week now. It's really pretty nice not getting called every other couple hours, wonting me to "help" him do something. Or rather do something for him since he is to lazy to get off his butt to do it his self. He's one of them can't get over anything gotta hold a grudge kinda guys. Where I get mad for a minuite, get over it & forget it kinda person, so who knowes how it will all play out.
 
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Old 05-11-05, 09:56 AM
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I know that this may sound extreme, but could you get a restraining order on him? It may just shut him up.
 
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Old 05-11-05, 10:06 PM
JoeST
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Originally Posted by Hirsch
I know that this may sound extreme, but could you get a restraining order on him? It may just shut him up.
No I wouldent wont to go to that, becides he is more of a annoyance than a problem that would call for a restraining order.
Becides all that I realised a funny thing the other day. He is pissed over something that had to do with my stereo (Bass) being supposedley to loud. He called once & I turned it down or rather my subs off, But his wife called back later complaining & being unaware that she was still on the phone I said to my wife who answered the phone she could (insert four letter word here) off. Now I know that sounds like I am being the ass but I think if you read my previous post you would understand. Anyway back to what I realised. If my stereo really is a problem than he can call the police & let them handle it. I know I am well within my limits of what I can or cant do. Here where I live it has to be auidable from a certin distance & at a certin SPL (sound pressure level) before the police can say or do anything about it. Well at best they can stop by and ask me to turn it down, but they have to be able to hear it from the street or the property of the person complaining. But for something that you can just barley hear outside my house at normall levels, well he can kiss my butt.
He has finally decided to talk to me a couple times but I had to be the one to start it. It was quite funny cause he really acted like he didnt know what to say to me. I think he just knowes that I wont stand for his crap anymore & will tell him how it is. Well that & I think his wife has told him not to talk to me judging by the way she reacted when she saw us talking But that's ok if that is how it all works out I have other friends that dont use me for everything they can. And if he really wonts to be a pain in the butt I know all the dumbest little things that annoy the hell out of him (like not rakeing up grass clippings or just having friends over here having fun without him invited) Ya it just might get pretty intersting cause I love to be an ass when I have good reason to.
 
  #9  
Old 05-12-05, 12:52 AM
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Gosh, he sounds like so much fun! I think we've all had people in our lives that are that way. You're fine until you get too close to them, usually if you move near them or they near you.

He just sounds really jealous of you and your life. I'd just leave it alone. Otherwise you are giving him control over you. Everytime you sit and think of something to 'bug' him with, then he is in your foremost thoughts and has control of your actions (since they're centered around him). Just brush him and his wife out of your mind and focus on what's important to you. Fixing your home they way you want it, and spending time with your wife and friends.

Kay
 
  #10  
Old 05-17-05, 12:26 PM
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Well, I know first hand what you have been going through. In my early life I used to be like this kid but not completely. I am a much better person now but let me tell you what you do to fix this problem. Start ignoring him, don't ever speak to him or ignolage him. Eventually he will probably start cursing at you for doing this but just keep up what your doing and eventually he will leave you alone because he will realise you no longer care to be his friend. As another member has stated, he will eventually cling to somebody else! And your life will be free...

My two cents...
 
  #11  
Old 05-17-05, 03:20 PM
JoeST
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Now he is really starting to get under my skin. Yesterday he called the police twice on me for my stereo. The first time when the officer came over he told me & I quote ( I couldent here anything untill I got to the door ). He said as far as he was concerned my volume level was not a problem, this was also at 1 in the afternoon. later at around 4 o clock, guess who again. This time though it was a couple yonger police who acted like they had something to prove. If you lived in Kokomo trust me you would understand. Now these guys said that it was to loud, I find that funny because it was not one bit louder than when the first officer came by. Actley you could easley have a normal conversaition in the room to give you an idea how loud it was. I was told he could write my a citation right now for the noise but wouldent this time because I was being coopertaive.
Later that evening I couldent stand it anymore so I called his house. Turns out the second time it was his wife who called. I got into a aurguement with her for a good 10 min or so. She insisted that the bass from my house was ratteling her windows. Now I don't know if anyone caught it in my earley post, but I have been in there house with the bassist music I have, playing as loud as I ever would have it & can just barley hear it in there house. Even my friend admited it was not very noticeable when I went over there. So to hear what I was playing yesterday they must have hearing like a dog.
And again today I can't say for sure that he called but the police drove by my house & stopped out front for a couple sec. Again I did have my stereo on but I had it even lower than yesterday. It was just loud enough that I could hear it from about ten feet away from an open window, You could hear someone in the house talking easyer than the stereo.
I'm now getting to the point that I feel like I'm just being harrased. And the next time the police do show up if they do I am going to ask them about that. I feel like I can't enjoy anything I own without worrieing if he is going to call a gripe or call the cops.
It's gotten to the point that I'm going to gut my back room to hopefully sound proof it some more. I had planned on doing this for awhile, but now just much sooner than planned.
 
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Old 05-22-05, 09:27 PM
JoeST
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I think putting up a fence must be as effetive as telling someone to F off. I put up a 6 foot privecy fence this weekend between our houses, & the looks I was getting from him were priceless. Every time He walked in or out he would glace over in disbelefe that I was putting a fence up. My wife & I sat in the house just grinning as we watched him glare out his back door at it later this evening. My windows that face him are mirrored so he can't see us in the room. I could hear little comments from his wife wile I was working in the yard. Things like he must be going all the way around, & I can't beleave he is doing that. I think when they First saw it they must have thought I was only going part of the way across the yard, Because I put up 24' on Sat evening & added another 8' today. I still have 16' to go but I have to waite until the end of the week for that.
One other nice thing about it is it actley makes my little yard look bigger for some reason, not to menchion much nicer. I'm really happy that I put it up, keeps him away, gives me some privicey, & for some reason both of my boys really like it. I don't know why a 5 & 9 year old would like a fence but they both thought it was cool for some strange reason. Mabey they didn't like the neighboor either
Any way just thought I share my update of the situation.
 
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Old 05-22-05, 09:49 PM
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I've always heard that fences made good neighbors. Maybe its because it defines where his yard ends and yours begins? I dream of a privacy fence. I'm not sure why either. None of my neighbors are seen a whole lot, but I just think it would be nice to be out back and not have anyone watching me. Not that I'm doing anything weird, but it would just be nice. Like my little 'haven' or something.

Really would want one if I had a neighbor like yours!

Kay
 
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Old 05-23-05, 01:31 PM
JoeST
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Ya, I've always liked to be able to just relax out in the yard without all of the neighbors being able to see you. My wife really loves it now cause before she didn't like to lay out because of him, but now it dosent really matter.
I can't wate to get some land scaping done back there know either. We are thinking about building a deck with a nice pond just to the side, & mabey putting a maple tree or two back there as well.
 
  #15  
Old 05-29-05, 05:28 PM
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Okay, I guess I stand alone with my reply. But since everyone else here was kind enough to support you, maybe it's a little safer to face facts.

JoeSt, I don't know you, I have no bias what-so-ever. I have never harrassed a neighbor for disturbing the peace. I have no doubt you mean well because it is clear you are bothered by all this. I was a young home owner once too and had to learn to live with my neighbors, because I thought I could do whatever I judged to be 'reasonable' as a home owner.

If a friend or foe is telling you that they can hear your stereo, then listen to what they are saying. I do not believe your neighbor, be he friend or foe, is making up his complaint. You can split hairs all day long about volume levels and what is 'right' or 'fair', but the fact remains that you are probably disturbing him. I hope you take my words in peace and wisdom because that is how they are meant.

These senseless feuds only grow severely worse over time. They never mend themselves. Mend it now. Turn down your stereo until he no longer complains and I am certain you both will mend your fences. All other insults aside, I'm sure you can return to the past fun times you had together.

Best wishes

Signed,
Someone's neighbor.
 
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Old 05-29-05, 05:55 PM
JoeST
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Lugnut,

I trust you read all my posts about how the guy is? Don't worrie I'm not taking any offence to yours, I can see both sides. I have for the past couple weeks kept my volume levels down well below what my normal levels are. But the problem still remains that he is now taking away from any enjoyment I have of my stuff. Just to drive the point home a few nights ago he was in his garage at aroung 9:30pm banging around, running a grinder, reving up his motorcycle and such. Now honestley I thought about calling the police because had it been me making the noise, he would had called for sure. But I would rather let sleepings dog lay as they say.
I am actley going to be doing quite a bit of things to help sound proof the room that my stuff is in, because I can very easley entertain the whole neighborhood if I really wonted but untill than I'm being as respectable about it as I can.
 
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Old 05-29-05, 06:06 PM
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.......
 
  #18  
Old 06-09-05, 11:05 AM
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Here is the thing. If you have a really nice sterio then you have lots of low frequency base which is omni directional. Because of this, he is probably not really hearing the music at all, he is probably hearing the low frequency base. Now, I don't care if a neighbor of mine was running their sterio loud as long as he or she did not do it at night. As long as you don't run that thing loud at night, you are good with me. Its sounds to me like this guy is being too picky and therefor making up stories just so that he can get the cops out. I don't know what it is where you live, but in my state, this is our law...

Everyone in the state of Washington may make loud noise untill 10:00PM Pacific Standard Time. I have a pretty bada** sterio and nobody has ever called me or talked to the landlord over my loud music. I myself have turn it up as loud as I could stand it, go outside and see how well I can here it with the window open. Trust me man, if I was living next to that guy, I would be moving ASAP!!!
 
  #19  
Old 06-09-05, 07:13 PM
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Buy 7 dogs.

On a good day, have 4 outside, 3 inside.

Alternate every 3 hours to get the barking time in, dogs need rest.

Have one lone dog outside till 2 in the morning every night with a cat in the window so the dog knows it.


Freedom of expression through a barking dog is AWESOME.
 
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