Do most parents really LOVE their small kids?

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  #1  
Old 03-10-07, 12:12 PM
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Do most parents really LOVE their small kids?

Or is it like politically correct to say that they do, so that they don't come across to others as being somehow a sick person?

I don't have kids of my own. But from what I have observed through my life, and how parents handle small childrens antics (2-4 year olds. let's say)...I see hate. Yes hate.

I HEAR that they say they spank their kids out of love. Uhh, ya.

My next door neighbor lady says having kids was the worst mistake she ever had and wishes I would take them off her shoulders. She has had 5 and I wonder why she just didn't quit at 2 or 3, tops, with an attitude like that. I think it is instinct that drives adults to have kids, with no forethought as to what they are getting into. And she says this quite matter of factly. The kids are always into everything, and wrecking stuff. Very undisciplined mayhem. How can you love THAT?!

My cousin used to get BEAT by his dad with a belt, on his bare bottom by his god-fearing dad. His dad was very pragmatic and I never saw kissing in the family or hugs, and I was under the impression there was sex..a kid came along and they then reaped what they sowed; a kid who got into all kinds of mischief.

Is this subject something parents are perhaps afraid to answewr honestly?
 
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  #2  
Old 03-10-07, 12:30 PM
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first, you must define love, which truly is very difficult.

then you have to realize that there are a lot of idiot breeders out there that have no business having children.

then you have to look at the entire situation and realize that although a parent may "love" their children, they are incapable of controlling themselves.

as well, they do not know how to effectively raise their chilren and deal with the problems that arise.

Yes Dave, many (hopefully most) parents love their children but you must realize that your definition of the proper way to raise a child is not the same as everybody's definition. That alone will cause you to see many forms of discipline and expressions of love.

Along with this situation, think of how many women are abused by the men that supposedly "love" them and in return give unwavering love to them. How can a woman "love" a man that does that to her.


BTW: sex and love do not require the presence of the other to be present.
 
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Old 03-11-07, 12:26 PM
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Well, here's my take. Three years ago my wife and I (ages 49 & 46 at the time) were surprised (ya think?) with our second child, a son. His sister is 15 years older. He was so good at "terrible two's" he decided to try "terrible three's".

I wouldn't part with either of them for Bill Gates' money.
 
  #4  
Old 03-11-07, 12:38 PM
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While there are parents who have no love for their offspring, the majority do! As nap stated not everyone is capable of being the perfect parent [or even close] but that shouldn't be confused with lack of love for the child. I'd say that most parents also have love for the small children of others. You don't have to be around small kids long to find the joy that they are capable of giving you. The bad times may make you wonder why, but the precious good times will make you know why!

There probably isn't a parent out there that doesn't regret an action [or lack of] in the raising of their kids, but such is life.
 
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Old 03-11-07, 12:52 PM
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Enjoying the responses so far. I feel at times I am from some other planet and am here as an observer of things. Another observation to me is how it seems like it is usually more the men who wind up with kids as a result of the satisfaction witrh sex, while the woman sometimes uses the man to get a child, on purpose. But I can't say all men are like that. I know a couple of very fine fathers in my own immediat family. But both me and my cousin were never raised by the involved-with-you...lovy dovy types. And we both lived in fear of crossing our dads.
 
  #6  
Old 03-11-07, 12:58 PM
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The bottom line is that the cliche about not being able to understand how you feel about kids until you have them is true. I tell my daughter regularly that her parents love her more than she can understand, at least until she has children of her own.

That said, there certainly are people who have children who should not have or who are incapable of properly raising them.
 
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Old 03-11-07, 01:43 PM
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Tow Guy:
Hate to tell you this but I have discovered that the terrible two's start about 2 years old and end about when they are 22. Everything in between belongs within the terrible 2's.

Dave: don't get me wrong. I have a great respect for my dad but one of my favorite anecdotes is about the 5 kids, mom and dad driving across country in a Chevy station wagon. Long days, short nights and 4 of the kids were boys and two of us seemed to never be able to get along.

Well, the 2 of us were killing each other. My dad issuedan initial warning of "get away from each other" (Ya, like that's possible in the back of a station wagon). The next action was (and mind you, this has earned my dad the title of "the fastest belt in the midwest") you saw him reach for his belt buckle, he whips it from his pants and,without even looking away from the road, reaches behind him and proceeds to wail on my brother and myself while we try to dodge his unerring aim.

The two of us were too busy dodging to worry about each other and it gave us a chance to calm ourselves enough so that we stopped our fight.

My dad continued to drive, without uttering another word, in total peace and silence.............until the next time.

Corporal punishment was the norm of the day and although I believe he was a bit over zealous at times, it was never what I would call "abuse". It was punishment and was not fueled by anger nor was it ever an undeserving time for punishment.

My dad was never the lovey-dovey type either but since I am older (a lot older) he and I now tell each other we love the other and a hug is the norm. I have no ill feelings for the punishment I recieved as a child.
 
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Old 03-11-07, 07:46 PM
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I'm finding stages. Terrible 2's are BS. Its a great time. My son gave me problems once he turned 14 and is still an issue at 24 but he's working hard to turn his life around. But he goes months at a stretch where he is wonderful and I"m confident life will be good with him again. Still he gives me joy. My daughters have been great all along but I'm sure there will be down times with them as well. As I write this, one daughter won't speak to me because her hockey team lost in the provincial senior womens semi-final game today and I'm the head coach. This will last a month or so and life will be great again.

Anyone that hates their kids is probably in a situation where life is not good and kids SEEM to make it worse, sickness, unemployment etc. Its probably a chicken or egg thing.......if they had lots of money (for example) life with kids would be great, but life with kids and not enough money can make life with kids seem terrible.
 

Last edited by mjd2k; 03-11-07 at 11:11 PM.
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Old 03-11-07, 08:09 PM
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Great to hear about your son turning it around. Good to know that you are involved in your daughter's life as well. I could not agree with you more on the financial situation stressing you out. That would make anybody crazy.
 

Last edited by possumgraper; 03-11-07 at 09:44 PM.
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Old 03-11-07, 08:31 PM
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I believe what mjdk2 was trying to say is having money problems often cause such stress that it makes life difficult and many cannot handle that stress and react improperly to situations.

ALthough having money doesn't provide happiness, it surely gets a lot of the pain in the a** things and worries out of the way so you can be happy.
 

Last edited by DIYaddict; 03-16-07 at 04:13 PM. Reason: **
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Old 03-11-07, 09:08 PM
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I think that I understood perfectly well what mjdk2 was saying, after all, I agreed with it.
 

Last edited by possumgraper; 03-11-07 at 09:47 PM.
  #12  
Old 03-12-07, 05:55 AM
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a little off topic

Originally Posted by nap View Post
ALthough having money doesn't provide happiness,


I always liked the liked the line in a Tom T.Hall [I think} song that said "you can't take it with you but I want enough to get there on"
 
  #13  
Old 03-14-07, 07:02 PM
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Make no mistake, raising young kids is tough !
Daveboy, it's a shame what you have observed that parents seem to hate their kids. It's not the kids fault, they can't pick who their parents are going to be, because they just want to loved and their love is endless.
I can't describe how good it feels to have my 6 year olds little arms hug me when I walk in the door at the end of crummy day.
Yes, some times when we're out and about one of my kids throws a hissy fit right there in the check-out line and realy puts me on the spot(Uh-Oh people are watching, what do I do, spank or no spank) the kid is testing you and yes I do get angry with them but by no means do I hate my kids.
I ask any parent that at the end of the day and you watch your child lay asleep no matter what they did that day to stress you out, you still love them no-matter what and couldn't imagine life without them.
Children are a gift from God and any parent whether biological or surgate are truley blessed to have them.
 
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Old 03-15-07, 09:56 AM
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worth repeating!

Originally Posted by Mackey View Post
Children are a gift from God and any parent whether biological or surgate are truley blessed to have them.

With the odd exception of the person who isn't fit to be a parent - ALL parents love their children NO MATTER WHAT happens, it is just easier to love them when they are being good
 
  #15  
Old 03-15-07, 11:09 AM
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Originally Posted by the_tow_guy View Post
Well, here's my take. Three years ago my wife and I (ages 49 & 46 at the time) were surprised (ya think?) with our second child, a son. His sister is 15 years older. He was so good at "terrible two's" he decided to try "terrible three's".

I wouldn't part with either of them for Bill Gates' money.
Tow Guy, one of my best friends was surprised at age 40 (he had a visectomy that reversed itself) and his wife gave birth to their son (other children were ~15 and 17 years old at the time). Son is 13 now and they hunt and do other things together. He considers his son a real blessing.

Enjoy your blessing.

DWC
 
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Old 03-15-07, 11:59 AM
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My next door neighbor lady says having kids was the worst mistake she ever had and wishes I would take them off her shoulders. She has had 5 and I wonder why she just didn't quit at 2 or 3, tops, with an attitude like that. I think it is instinct that drives adults to have kids, with no forethought as to what they are getting into. And she says this quite matter of factly. The kids are always into everything, and wrecking stuff. Very undisciplined mayhem. How can you love THAT?!
A mistake that some people do is focus too much on your children without focusing on yourself. I used to do this exact same thing for many years until recently. I would feel guity about going out even for a drink with the gang after work. That guilt turned into feeling that it's my daughter's fault that I can't do things when it's not the case at all. I got into a rut of not taking care of myself, including building in "me-time" to do things such as go to the gym or have a drink or dinner with friends or just some alone time in general.

It's a hard habit to break out of (which I'm personally still trying to do as well), but once you start focusing on yourself and your own well-being, everything else falls into place. When you focus too much on one thing and neglect yourself, you start to feel overwhelmed and out of control. I have to remind myself that children aren't my whole life, but they are part of it. With such a mindset, you build time into your life to keep your sanity. I'm sure if your neighbor does the same thing

It also sounds like having a firmer hand with those children may be in order. If they are running rampant like your neighbor states, then that may be the case. I'm not saying she should break out the belt and start whipping them to a pulp, but just consistency in punishment, removing items that they wreck, and realistic punishments that can actually be followed through. My ex would make unrealistic threats that children realized would never happen. They walked all over her. Preventative measures and consistency go a long way with children. :-)

When you realize why children do the things they do, it also helps. Ok, enough of my soap box...
 
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Old 03-15-07, 07:52 PM
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It seems selfish to put your needs ahead of your child's until you realize you can't take care of anyone else if you don't take care of yourself first.
 
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Old 03-16-07, 03:43 PM
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i agree. i still feel "guilty" at times. It's a hard habit to break... Ooh, I think this thread morphed into something else.
 
  #19  
Old 03-16-07, 04:12 PM
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It's definitely good for a parent to "get out"-away from their child. Whether it's out to dinner, a movie, etc. Spending all your time with your child every moment you can is just love. dengle, there's absolutely no reason why you should feel guilty if this is done occasionally-which means, once in a while and not everyday! Now if you're going constantly out partying and not taking care of child when he/she needs to be taken care of or is hungry or needs clothes or needs help with homework, etc...then YES, feel guilty.

Focusing on your child too much is not a mistake...it's love and it's ok. It's not so much to not focus so much on your child and focus on yourself...It's... focus on your child and don't forget yourself. More like don't forget to take care of yourself.

I have done nothing other than focus on my child and forgot myself. My son now worries about me and wonders what's going to happen to me when he leaves me (goes off to college). I wonder the same thing.
 

Last edited by DIYaddict; 03-16-07 at 04:23 PM.
  #20  
Old 03-19-07, 03:14 PM
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DIYaddict, congratulations.
You must be doing something right if your son cares that much about YOU.
Ya, know babies don't come with operators manuals and all we ( parents) have to go by is how OUR parents raised us and our good judgement.
You must have had very good parents also.
 
  #21  
Old 03-19-07, 07:19 PM
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Young Children

Ya Gotta love em'

They bring the joy that nothing else can bring.

After reading all the whines and accolades that come with it I thought I would Chime in.

My son is 14 years old, He has Cerebral paulsey, Very involved, just like an infant, and all the stuff that goes with it (neuro,physical etc.). I had always hoped for some of your problems (silently).

What I have found over these years.. Some parents don't care or understand what they have. Count your blessings everyday. DON"T give up.

Teach them,implant your morals and integrity into them. Then just hope something sticks.More often than not it will.

My folks taught me all kinds of stuff. Let me tell you, I was not very receptive! And in the end, they won! I didn't realize it untill I was older. But boy oh boy... When it hits Ya', it hits ya'.

My situation took a toll on my life (marriage etc.),Thats when the teachings(Not a religious family, just moral) came into play. But when you wait 3 years for a smile...( He has not stopped smiling since). Well, what more needs to be said?

Love your KIDS. Show them discipline and direction. Stick to your guns.

Then hope for the best,somethings gotta stick.. It worked for my MOM and DAD.. It must work for others.

I never received a "Beating" I didn't deserve. Nor one I didn't learn from.

I was never beaten, just punished. Rightfully so.

And a few times.. I snuck one by them.. So They still owe me a whack or two.. But I'll let it slide.
 
  #22  
Old 03-26-07, 02:13 PM
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I Have a 2 year old. I love her so much. But sometimes she makes me angry. Kids bring joy to live.
 
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