Kay's Whining Post, the Saga continues....LOL

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  #1  
Old 05-28-02, 12:59 AM
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Exclamation Kay's Whining Post, the Saga continues....LOL

Here we are guys. I'll have to really get into my weekend later. Have been destressing by playing a silly computer game that has me stumped! It's 3 a.m. and I guess I need to get my tail into the bed or I will be super grump (not exactly the word I was thinking, but it will do )

Kay
 
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Old 05-28-02, 10:17 AM
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BIG GRIPE...

I am trying to calm down after a conversation with my brother-in-law. This weekend was not a good one for my 'reputation' either. My husband has two brothers that also live around here. For some reason we all move together?

'J' who lives down the street (4 houses) grilled out yesterday for Memorial Day. It was nice of them to do that. It was nice, but I bowed out quickly. I cannot stand being around these guys when they drink. One beer is not in their vocabulary, nor is a 6 pack. Its always a twelve pack. My other BIL (brother in law) 'D' called to find out what everyone was doing. He was angry that he wasn't invited (off to a good start), which was odd since we thought he was still out of town on his family vacation to the coast. I figured, hey, they just drove for 7+ hours with both of their kids (who by the way are monsters, my kids are not angels unless you compare them to these two...example: pizza on ceilings, and will cuss you in conversation), and what do they want to do? They want to go visiting. My interpretation was that 'D' and 'B' were fighting, as usual, and 'D' was wanting to go somewhere else to have the fight. Needs an audience I guess.

Now I'm a rude B*@%H since I left and didn't come back. Oh well, hate it. Anyway, I didn't care about all that, but 'D' calls me this morning wanting to get my hubby's pager number. I give it to him, and 'D' tells me that we're going camping without the children on the weekend of the 4th (July). I told him that I didn't think we'd be able to go since we were broke right now and may be awhile before we can actually get back on our feet. I don't believe that 'J' will be going either. They have a baby under a year old and I agree with 'J's' wife that she is too young to leave with anyone. Her family is 15 hours away, too. 'D' informs me that it will only be $250 for the trip. I'm choking as he says this since it's only 1 1/2 months away and we are trying to rebuild our reserve (savings account that got hit really hard with multiple emergencies). 'D' then calls me back to inform me that my hubby 'M' said that 'we ARE going, and there's nothing I can do about it'. Guess 'D' was hoping for a fight. I just said 'okay'. I know for one that 'M' would not have put it that way. For one, he's not that agressive. More the lazy type, well, lets call it passive for right now to be kind. For two, we're trying desperately to keep me from having to go back to work so I can be a stay-at-home mom for awhile and not lose everything. For three, our mortgage is behind and to catch it up has also been putting us in a bind, but we're managing just fine. 'D' and his wife both work, but 'S', 'J's' wife doesn't work either. I also would like to see 'S' stay home with their baby instead of putting her in daycare. They eke by as well, and she also has two other children from a previous marriage. We like being home with our kids, for the most part .

Another thing that bothers me about all of this is the fact that they always want 'M' and I (me, lol) to go on these trips because usually we're okay financially and will cover any extra costs. 'M's' birthday canoe trip cost us a pretty penny, which was odd since they (brothers) were treating the whole trip. I think we were out $350 on that 2 day camping trip. This also brings to mind why I have insurance on my truck now. I got a ticket going to this camping site for no insurance. The officer was really nice and checked the box for no proof of insurance even though I honestly told him that I didn't have insurance. He was supposed to pull my tag, and tow my truck. I paid that ticket for $185, and immediately went and got insurance on the truck and have kept it ever since (almost 3 years now). I don't guess that they have a clue what is involved in providing security for your family. 'M' and I (me, lol) have purchased this home, and all the expenses that are involved in maintaining it, we try to provide our children with outside activities (gymnastics, taekwando, etc), family camping trips (which only cost us around $75 per weekend if we're extravigant) which the kids absolutely love, keep my truck running ('D's' is currently broken down in 'J's' driveway and has been for over a month now).

Okay, bottom line 'D' can just jump up and bite and see what he hangs to. He's always the one that calls on a weekly basis to see if he can borrow $10 until payday. He called just last week and called me a liar since this is the first time I had to tell him that we didn't have $10. Oh well, he's a sh*t, and yes I obviously care because I'm harping on it.

Thanks for listening....
reading, whatever

Kay
 
  #3  
Old 05-28-02, 03:08 PM
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Kay, My Sweet Sis :)

I'd just git a gun and take 'em alllllll out! LOL

(j/k.......j/k)



I emphathize with your situation , those kinda people make me bald! UGHHHHHHH

Have always had a hard time with
dysfunctionals (thank you to my first hubby)...
moochers
lazy butts
irresponsible folks
( inhale...LOL)
the list gets longer.....


((((((((((Kay)))))))))))))
((((((((((Kay)))))))))))))
((((((((((Kay)))))))))))))
 
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Old 05-28-02, 04:03 PM
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Thanks Meadowraven,

I don't own a gun, and that's probably why! LOL.

Talked to 'M' when he got home from work. Told him that his brother was looking for him. (Okay, so I'm a sneak). Said that 'D' paged him with 911 on the end. Of course, hubby panics thinking there's an emergency. 'M' said that he told 'D' that we would have to wait until much closer to time before we could make that decision, and that we would not be staying in a cabin but a tent. $250 is too much for us to spend on a trip right now. That's when I told 'M' about what 'D' told me on the phone later. 'M' asked me if I believed 'D' and I said no. We plan everything along those lines together. I was wondering if 'D' maybe said something to hubby about me saying that we would do it. I have to be kind of sly since I usually stay pretty peeved at 'D' anyway, so hubby keeps some of the things said to himself so I don't get in a worse way. Also, it seems that 'D' has invited a lot of his co-workers to go with us. Even 'M' says he won't go if its going to be <i>one of those</i> type camping trips.

I have a much better camping trip planned. It involves not actually going camping, but lots of time at a lake and staying at my best friends house. We could camp, too if we would like. She lives near KY lake, and we could spend the day there and then come home to rest. We could go every day, or just one day. Maybe even go into town and see a movie, or go bowling. Sounds like a whole lot more fun and NO DRINKING til someone is obnoxious. I have nothing against drinking as long as you don't get stupid around me or my kids while doing it. I left that stupid life back in 1980 and do not care to go back to it or near it.

Thanks for letting me vent. I feel SOOOOO much better now.

Bye for now,
Kay
 
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Old 05-28-02, 09:43 PM
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LOL

Kay,

Lots of love and support right now..I KNOW how you feel....

I have my own frustrations, including a $1450.00 mortgage payment due tomorrow....which we are barely making...

But I could go on all day about that.

Hope things settle for you!!
 
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Old 05-28-02, 09:59 PM
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We just made a payment that large to catch us back up. I couldn't imagine us trying to make that kind of payment every month. I would definitely have to go back to work. I doubt they would have loaned us that much on a house anyway.

I think my biggest gripe about my brother-in-laws is that they always brag that the Byrds help the Byrds. Well, in case they've forgotten that is a two way street. Its easy to remember when they're in need, but they're quick to forget when we need help. Then on top of that I know that Danny had $700 in his account when he called me for money last week, the time he accused me of lying about not having any money. Seems he wanted to not touch that money since he was going to use that for his trip to the coast. I also found out that his wife spent $500 on clothes for this trip (they originally had $1200). Here were are eating pasta and salads every night, and he's not wanting to touch his 'trip' money.

I guess I just need to let it go. These people have been the same since I met them. I had to make a real big decision about marrying their brother since you do marry the family too. Just gets hard at times. Funny thing is that I can call their mother and b*@#h to her about this and she will take my side. She is a wonderful person and I love her dearly. She is ashamed of their behavior and says that she didn't raise them that way. I know she didn't. She is a good, solid minded, and honest person. She and Mike are the only reason I stay in this part of the family.

Kay
 
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Old 05-28-02, 10:12 PM
GwyniChaela
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Great...

I understand about the family thing, believe me, I do!!

We got a $118,750 loan on this home. I don't know what the economy is like in Mississippi, but it's damn expensive to live out here....

Our normal payment is $1119, but the mortgage company screwed us over, and so until next April we are stuck with a $1450 payment......yuck....this is the third month we've had to do this.

Sorry to bore you!!!

More later!
 
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Old 05-28-02, 10:21 PM
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Our mtg was only for $88,000. We lucked out on this house since the other houses were going for more than this. The previous owners had already purchased another home and needed to sell this one quickly. At the time that we bought it, we were approved for the amount of your loan, but thank goodness we didn't get a house that high. We would definitely lose it today. I also found out today that my husband may not have a job much longer. This scares us to death since all our reserve money is gone. Seems that they messed up a job 3 years ago, and the company is suing them for over a half a million dollars in fines. The New York office may just go ahead and close this branch down. So many telecommunication companies are going under today. We have been concerned for awhile about this, but now this!!!!! Doesn't look like we'll have a chance in saving the company here. Keep your fingers crossed.

I understand better now why my hubby was so withdrawn. He's been keeping this to himself so I wouldn't worry. I wouldn't worry so much as try to be prepared. Oh well, maybe it will all work out for the best. We'll just have to see. At least I know that Mike isn't too proud to work at McDonald's, or KMart until he can find something better. Both BIL's were out of work for 6 months since they couldn't find a job in their line of work. Danny lived off his wife's (girlfriend then) check, and Jeff lived off his kid's child support money (shame on him, shame on him, shame on him!). That last one bother's me. Wonder how anyone could live off their wive's ex husband and money intended for the children. Shame shame shame. I have absolutely no respect for him today because of that.

Kay
 
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Old 05-28-02, 10:55 PM
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Thumbs up

We had gotten approved for an extra 75,000 - and said no since we didn't want that kind of house payment. And I was making 3 times what I bring in now ......

You are in my thoughts daily, my little friend - and I will follow along to be your support, if you want it!!
 
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Old 05-29-02, 09:58 PM
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Great news guys and gals, for me anyway!!!!!!!

Pomeroy, mother company of my husband's company, said there would be no way they would close down this division since it actually has made them quite a bit of money this year!

yeah, hubby still has a company to have a job with. We're so relieved.
 
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Old 05-30-02, 11:00 AM
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CONGRATS!!!


YAY!!!!






 
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Old 05-30-02, 11:34 AM
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Now that I've gotten my first good nights rest in a very long time I can look at this mess of a house and actually see the light at the end of the tunnel. It will take some planning, and a lot of work but it can and will be done.

I really really really appreciate the support that I've gotten from you guys on here. I don't honestly believe that I would have any hope or strength left if it hadn't been for the posts here, and the support. Especially the support.

Kay
 
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Old 05-30-02, 02:56 PM
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Good for you...

You have been such a wonderful source of support and knowledge yourself. And you have added to the life of this forum, and for that at least, be proud of yourself.

As for the house I send you wishes and hope from my own resources...I am just so glad that there has been help for you to find here!
 
  #14  
Old 05-30-02, 06:59 PM
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You guys have all been a super support during these strange times in my home. I talked to my youngest, who is breaking all the rules, including walking up to the little store on the corner even though I told him that he couldn't. I am having the worse time with him. He keeps saying that he wished it were just the 3 of us again. Remember, I have only been married for 3 years, and only had custody of my oldest two for a little less than that. We were poor, but a very close family. We did everything that was possible to do together, together. Helped each other out, and loved each other by showing it. I told Ian that we were fixing to go through some major changes again. Their big brother is leaving for Vegas in a week, and their older sister wouldn't be home during the day since she was working this summer. That despite the fact that my sister-in-laws mother sent her money to catch up on their past due rent and she has decided to bombard her children with toys, that she is not showing them love, but trying to buy it. I asked both the younger ones at that point which they would rather have....mom having to go to work to buy a bunch of toys and spend no time with them, or instead of buying 'stuff' spend time together playing in the yard with the dogs, or building mud pies, or going to the zoo, visiting their grandmother in Memphis together. They said they would much rather have mommy than toys.

I may have been going about all of the problems the wrong way. I watch how these other parents struggle to pay their bills, and feed their children. I also watch how they don't spend time with their children, but spend what little they have on toys. Duh! They aren't even trying to buy their children, they are distractions to keep their children from bugging them. Something to keep them occupied. Then the parents sit on their 'pitty potties' about how they can't even pay the electric bill, and I have even noticed that when the children ask for something special to eat they have the gall to blame the children for their financial state or blame the ex's for not paying child support. I don't blame the children or their father's for our financial state. I do remind my children that since I bought _______(fill in the blank) that I can't afford to also buy them ____________. Its not their fault that I misspend money. I am an adult. I have to make choices that are healthy for the entire family unit, not just a child or children. And the most important thing that I realized is that I dont spend that much quality time with my kids when <B>they</B> need it, I only do it when I'm not busy. Like just now...Ian saw something crazy on tv and wanted to share it with me. Instead of getting upset for him bothering me 'while doing something that is very important to me' I stopped, turned, looked him in the eye and listened to what he had to say. We discussed it, he smiled and was on his way again. I often wondered why I kept telling my children how selfish they were behaving. It bothered me to keep saying that. Too close to home...I should have been saying those words in a mirror. I was talking to myself, and it hurt since it hit home.

I will post more on the improvements in our family and our ability today to get closer and get something back that should have never left us to begin with. It shouldn't matter if there are 3 in the family or 6. If you give love and time to those around you, the emptiness it leaves is refilled with love and time, if you allow it to be what fills you back up. Keeping resentments and anger leaves no room for love, happiness and peace to be in you.

Kay's statement: I give all my anger and resentment away....i choose love and peace and happiness to take its place.

A new Kay on the way!

(Poet, bad one at that LOL!)
 
  #15  
Old 05-31-02, 04:54 PM
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Kay does not whine!

Kaybyrd, I am proud of you. You are a good woman and a good mother. What you just posted took a lot of guts to say.

Involving the kids in what is on the upcoming week's agenda, as well as planning together what can be done in the "free" time is helpful. Review the TV guide together and vote on what TV show or movie should be watched together. It might be that everyone votes for a picnic.

It is also helpful to involve them in the financial planning.
After you pay the bills, have a meeting. It can be a fun one with popcorn at the kitchen table. "Well, gang, we've paid all the bills again this week. Things are looking good. I have put aside $XX.XX for the shoe fund (or whatever fund) and we have $20.00 leftover for us. Now, it's not enough to take us to (wherever), but let's discuss what we could do and take a vote." Or, "We had to fix the water heater this week, and I put aside the money for the shoe fund. Now, there is no money leftover over for anything special this week. Let's talk about what we can do that's fun that won't cost any money."

You can't expect step parents and step children to fall madly in love with each other. At best, you can hope they can become friends and respect each other. Perhaps, some quality time with the new man in the house and the children would be helpful. This has to be put on the agenda that you and he have. Perhaps he could take them to the park, fishing, movies, or watch that Disney movie with the kids and eat popcorn.

Don't worry about how others manage their money and time. I use to tell my kids, every family does their own thing. We do what is best for our family. It boils down to priorities. Big screen TVs, new cars, fancy clothes, lots of toys, and all those other luxuries should not be priorities for families. Paying the bills, keeping food on the table, keeping shoes on those fast growing feet of the kids, etc. are the priorities. Your children may not be old enough to understand, but you are setting an example. You are a role model who is teaching them how to manage money and set priorities. These are valuable life lessons.

Involving children in household chores teaches them responsibility and how to do work. You can train them to be your helpers and eventually they will be able to do the jobs as well as you. It's o.k. if they don't do it as well as you expect when they begin, but they will eventually get the hang of it. If met with reluctance, "When we get our chores done, we can go to the park." "Let's get our chores done before the movie comes on. We've got to get them done in time so I can fix the popcorn."

When you have young children, the housework and laundry can be overwhelming. My mother worked from sun up to sun down cooking, cleaning, gardening, canning. I can not remember one hug from her. Take time out from trying to keep a perfect house and a super mom to spend some quality time with your children. I don't think the clean house police or Martha Stewart will be inspecting your home any time soon. Quality time is not measured in minutes. It is what you do with those minutes. It might be that monster movie where you are all on the floor around the big bowl of popcorn. It might be that you are all piled on the couch and you are reading them a story. It might be those precious moments together when you tuck them in bed at night and tell them how much you love them and how proud you are of them. It might be that little hug or squeeze of the hand that lasts only seconds. It can be a simple, "I love you."
 
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Old 05-31-02, 06:30 PM
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Thanks Twelvepole. Its really amazing that the answer has been in front of me all along. I rebelled when younger just to get attention. To have my parents focus for just a few, well, my mom's focus anyway. Dad would always shoot me a smile across the room that was worth a million hugs. Mom was always too busy. She was busy 'taking care of us'. I always wanted to grow up and be like my dad. My version of unconditional love and attention. I have turned into the parent that I didn't want to be. My dad would NEVER hesitate to stop what he was doing to listen to us, eye to eye contact, etc. We, in turn and even as children, respected and paid attention to when dad didn't need to be disturbed and when we thought it would be okay.

I hate that I lost sight of something that I had once and gave to my children. I got lost some where, but now I know the way back. Hopefully I never veer off the true path again, at least not for long.

Kay
 
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Old 06-03-02, 10:35 PM
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Smile

I'm excited about having our own little niche. This is fun for me. It has also been very healthy for me. I hope that now we're in our own little area that more people will join us in our adventures in living.

I've had a couple of really good days. Had a few tense moments dealing with my sister-in-laws children, but handled them today without becoming too angry. I try so hard not to take it out on her children. For example, we're loading the truck that my son, and my two neighbors will be taking to Las Vegas on Wednesday. Half of their things were here, and the other half next door. I explain to my children, and them that no one can be in the house since we are trying to gather, pack and load the truck from here as well as next door. Please play in the front yard or the cove, not in between the two houses so we don't have to dodge you guys. These children are two 9yr olds, one 11yr old, and one 13yr old. Where did I constantly have to move the 13yr and one of the 9yr olds from (these are the two that DO NOT belong to me)? Guessed it. From in front of the side door we were using to go through to bring out boxes. Okay, if that's not enough, they were pilfering through the boxes that we set outside to tape up before we loaded them on the truck. Okay, so the 9yr (Deanna) old wants my 11 yr old to come to her house and play in the sprinkler. Meagan, my 11yr old, told her that she wanted to stay down here with her big brother since he was moving soon and it will be a long time before we'll be able to see him again. Deanna then proceeds to tell Meagan that she won't ever play with her again if she's going to be like that. Meagan just told her to get a clue, but it really hurt Meagan's feelings for Deanna to not understand. Little Lee (since my son (18) is named Lee too) got mad at Ian (9) because it not only gets hot here, it is extremely humid, wanted to come in for an hour or so to cool down. Little Lee got angry and called him some ugly things and then left.

I knew that this summer was going to be hard since Little Lee and Deanna usually come down here to play. Their mom doesn't let them stay in the house very long or have company since she's had the baby. The baby, mind you, is a year old now. She has been walking for 2 months, and is doing just fine. They run in my house and break things. I finally put out my 'treasures' since my children were old enough to not break them. I know that they also come here because I pay attention to them and spend time with them. Guys, I'm am so caught between a rock and a hard place. I love my neice and nephew, but cannot stand them in my home. No matter what approach I take with them, I cannot make myself clear on the rules. What am I going to do, besides take valium so I don't have to cope every day with this? My children moved here the same time their children did. Why is it that they have no friends? My children, the hellians that they are, have friends they go visit. My children cannot possibly be the only two children around for them to play with, either. We live in a cove with a lot of kids. PLEASE some ideas. Please. I shouldn't have to cope with this, and I cannot talk to their mother about this. No matter how I put it, she gets onto her kids and punishes them for being bad. They're not being bad, just seeking attention. I have one child that is going to put me in my grave early as it is. On top of that, they take the precious quality time that I get to spend with Meagan and Elizabeth. They are disrupting my family and our attempts to be a family. It confuses Ian and Meagan when Lee and Deanna get ugly with them since they feel sorry for them and know that they don't have any friends. Lee and Deanna even get upset with Meagan and Ian and say things like "you must not be my friend since you had ______ over or spent the night with ___________". I've told Meagan and Ian that if it too uncomfortable for them to be friends with them, then they don't have to play with them. They still try to play with them because of the fact they have no one else to play with (Lee and Deanna that is).

Okay, I think you get the idea, but I honestly could write a book about this. Some of this should probably be under the parenting issues as well. I just don't want to ruin what could possibly be a good summer for my family by not being able to cope with or handle these situations.

-Kay
 

Last edited by kaybyrd; 08-14-02 at 05:12 PM.
  #18  
Old 06-04-02, 01:09 PM
GwyniChaela
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Well, you've been through a lot Kay - and I'm so happy for you!

About the kids. There are some people that need to be told this isn't okay. That you simply can't be dumped on just because she doesn't want to be bothered. And that, if the kids really do want to continue playing together that 'babysitting' responsibilities need to be shared. Or, that the kids aren't going to be able to spend time inside your home until an arrangement is come to. Which, of course means that if your kids want to come inside that the others need to go home. I saw that she won't let visitors over because of the baby, but it sounds like there's something else going on. You may be good to approach her in regard to the kids. I understand the attention issue. And while the kids may appreciate your attention - at the same time if they can't respect your home; they may need to not be allowed inside your home until they can follow the rules that everyone else follows. They will either push you, go away, or learn to respect that. That approach has worked for many people I know. Both for the parents of the children, and the kids themseles.

I truly hope that you can come to an agreement of sorts in regard to this. I listen and realize that I am going to have to take my advice soon enough!!

Be strong, and don't allow yourself to be pushed around on this subjecy - or your summer is going to be miserable.
 
  #19  
Old 06-04-02, 01:20 PM
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I'm just going to stand strong. I feel like I'm being a hard ass but I will just have to be one. I deserve better than this, and they aren't going to die from it either.

Am going to try to work on the air flow in the house a little before I short out the computer with my sweat *lol*. Please let the a/c gods hear my cry!!!!!!!

I'm hot.

-Kay
 
  #20  
Old 06-04-02, 01:28 PM
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Good for you, and I hope you stay up to your wants and needs. No one needs to trample on my dear Kay!
 
  #21  
Old 06-05-02, 08:51 PM
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I talked to both Susan and Jeff yesterday about some things going on in my life right now. About how hectic things have been trying to get Lee ready for his move, and the house getting on my nerves since I couldn't get it straightened back up, and that I wasn't sure how I was going to handle Lee not being here. You know what they did!?! They took both Ian and Meagan for the night, and kept my kids and theirs come into the cove until they saw me out and about this afternoon. From what Meagan said, they talked to all four of them about what a hard time it is for their Kay right now so if they needed to go inside somewhere, to make it their house (that was to Little Lee and Deanna), and to try to play outside in the cove instead of around my house. I thought that was really nice. Maybe I just needed to let them know what was going on down here, or remind them since they already knew. I'm usually such a strong person that I guess that they feel I can handle anything.

Oh well, we will see how long this last before things get back to 'normal'.

-Kay
 

Last edited by kaybyrd; 08-14-02 at 05:14 PM.
  #22  
Old 06-08-02, 05:29 PM
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Am bored

I guess I'm bored. I haven't done much of anything the past few days and I have no one to gripe at but myself. So many things I want to do, just don't get up and do them. I'm not even talking about the things I 'need' to do.

I just need to get up go, or find my get up and go. Its too quiet around here. Lee's gone to Vegas, Elizabeth is spending the night with a friend, and Meagan's gone to her friend's house. Ian is asleep on the couch (little bugger didn't go to sleep at all last night and finally crashed around noon today). DH (dear hubby) is watching tv in his usual spot, the bed.

I sound just like my kids. I just don't have anyone to play with and my toys are boring today. Maybe I'll just go watch a movie an chaulk today up as a wasted day and maybe tomorrow will be better.

-Kay
 
  #23  
Old 06-10-02, 11:08 AM
GwyniChaela
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So glad you said something to your relatives! I was hoping you'd get some positive resonse like that!

As for a wasted day - not even close. We all need days where nothing gets accpomplished and we do nothing. If we didn't have those, then where would we be? We all need time to recharge. I know that for me this is going to be today. I have a friend who wants me to come over - not going to happen. I need to get stuff cleaned and go grocery shopping which need to be done last week. Then I need to get a nap in before Davin leaves for his baseball game. He's still asleep, not having gotten home until sometime this morning. LOL - what nutty lives we lead. We are parents and companions and also new 'adults' and trying to maintain sanity and a social life so we can relax and not bring our troubles from outside home!

I need to wake himas they are leaving in a couple of hours and I need to make sure what needs doing around here gets done before that time!!
 
  #24  
Old 06-10-02, 11:39 AM
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You would think that while my DH is home on the weekends I would try to get more done with his help. That doesn't happen. Lazy Bones wakes late, then proceeds to lay in bed and watch tv. I go in there and start the same routine. Almost like follow the leader, but I'm not following a very good leader, LOL.

I did get some things done this weekend. DH actually removed himself from the bed long enough to help me get the garbage to the street. That's his job on Monday mornings and most times he forgets. I hear the truck coming and scramble to get it all to the street. I hate setting out the bags and cans early since it is so tacky! I already had shrubs and garage from my shop sitting at the curb. Since both cans were full I had to keep the household garbage bags in the shop. Can't chance the neighborhood dogs (the ones you usually never see until garbage day-makes you wonder if that is how they get fed?!) getting into and making a huge mess.

Now that hubby dearest is back at work I've done more this morning than I've done all weekend. The laundry has reproduced over the weekend. As many clothes as I washed this morning you can bet your bottom dollar that when my kids ask for more clothes my response will be 'are you kidding! you have enough clothes to clothe all of Mississippi!' You can see the conversations path after that....i don't like this, that or the other-the put it in the goodwill box....but so and so gave it to me, i wear that when............. Most of their clothes are actually worn out due to washing even when not dirty, NOT because they are worn.

-Kay
 
  #25  
Old 06-13-02, 10:20 AM
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Hmm

I have been bad as far as housekeeping goes. I DID stay home Mon and spent 4 hours cleaning the main floor and the entire upstairs. I also did some laundry. My problem is that I have app. 8-9 loads of clean laundry sitting in my utility room waiting patiently for us to run out of clothes. Did I mention I still have another 10 or so to go? (UGH) That's towels and sheets and all! I wish I could get the motivation going to get it put away (and the kitchen is trashed again too)....but it's mostly impossible with an 18 month old that comes thru and plays with all the freshly folded clothes and then for the past week as soon as the hubby has gotten home, I have left. The past two nights to get my computer back in gear!

I need to get back on top of it.


BTW - it literally went form 60 degrees to 90 in two days up here. How can it go from early spring to mid-summer so suddenly? It was 78 this morning by 7 am! And of course the girls want to go to the beach....not happening with just me, I can say that much! And tonight I was hoping to get the laundry put away and coerce the man I'm married to to mow and pick up the backyard since the kids can't even play out there until he does. I am NOT doing that. I have been tending the outside all summer so far and finishing up with his chores. I refuse to stoop and do it again!
 
  #26  
Old 06-17-02, 04:53 PM
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I understand about the lawn mowing deal. DH always asks me to wait until the weekend to mow so he can do it. I overhead a phone conversation with his brother who needed help putting up and above ground pool. Soooo....I headed out back to do it myself before it got too hot. He came out after I was halfway through mowing and said he would do it. Mind you, this is after I pick up all the sticks and things the dogs have chewed up, all the toys the kids have left in the yard, and filled up the lawnmower with gas. I did all the edgework with the mower, and then finished half when he showed up. He mowed the front, too, which isn't saying much since we don't have much of a yard up there. Just enough to be pretty and need mowing.

Then the cat deal happened, and the deal with the kids' dad, and then I didn't feel much like anything or doing anything on Sunday. DH kept telling me to just take the day off. That's fine, but it just means I have to do it Monday along with everything I have to do on Monday.

I'm going to go out to eat tonight. Probably no where fancy, I just need to get out of the house for awhile. Guess I'll take butt head with me. At least he can't get in my way while I eat...and if he does, I'll take a fork to him!

Later guys, need to hit the shower,

-Kay
 
  #27  
Old 06-19-02, 11:36 AM
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Unhappy My mom is coming

I am dreading this so much! If she would have come when we first moved in I wouldn't have minded, but the house has gotten so out of control that it is taking me forever to get it back.

The biggest thing is that even if I went through and super cleaned for the next two days, she would still find something to gripe about. Usually its the cats, and then she starts on the dogs....then it will be my finances.....

Jeez, you would think I would be excited about mom seeing the house. I just want to climb back into the bed and hide under the covers.

-Kay
 
  #28  
Old 06-20-02, 06:16 PM
GwyniChaela
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Kay

Good Luck!!

With mom and DH!

I understand your dilemmas more fully than you can know with mine own. More than I want to get into - but the past week or two has been one long arguement over here. About me getting out of the house. Or him not making a contribution!! It's been a long, stressful time around here.

Add to that my ******* computer continuing to give me nothing but grief!! UGH.

Anyhow, better jet and go check out my other topics before the electronic in front of me blows up again!! lol
 
  #29  
Old 06-21-02, 12:01 AM
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I was fixin' to get mad at my service provider again. My surfboard was on so I knew that wasn't the problem, and thought "please don't make me pull the ethernet card out of the system...". I had to pull the dsl card out of my system to reset it, and now I keep forgetting that I can reset through my silly surfboard (external cable modem). I really like it being on the outside. I can see all the lights,etc. I just turn it off, unplug the cable, unplug the power supply to it and wait 3-5 minutes. I plug everything back up and I'm up again. The modem searches for the provider, searches for me, we connect and online again....usually. When it doesn't work is when I really get mad!

I remembered the reason for it not working now. If you mess with your cable connection, the modem sometimes has to be reset. I was steam cleaning the living room and decided the I was tired of the cables running along the floor next to the baseboard like they were. I also have the cable running from a splitter around the corner to my desk in the next room. Pretty tacky, and will figure out where I want this monster desk my hubby got me at some point so I can run cable through the wall, but until then.....I had disconnected the cable from the wall to change it to another color (white instead of black). I forgot to reset the modem. Go figure. It is sad when I freak out when I don't have my fix of online chatting.....I feel like I've lost contact with the world. I don't care to much for socializing, or running around so this cyber visiting suits my life. I like the internet since I can learn, share and shop right in my own home. I don't have to try to drive my monster truck (not really monster, but not really a city car either) around, or get dressed up. I do enough driving around with my kids. Have a busy weekend in front of me, and it all involves driving again. Too bad I can't send my kids where they want to be or bring them back home through my modem! Am truly dreading driving through Memphis Saturday to get to my mom's house (opted for that instead of her coming here-worth it to me), and then on Sunday will have to drive down to Hickory Flat MS to pick up my 9 yr old demon-child. Apparently he and his step-brother are just alike and can't stand each other. Ian's ready to come home.

I've also decided to be real selfish lately. I kept thinking how nice it would be to sit on the carpet in the living room and cut my patterns out, and not get dirty or worry about getting the fabric dirty so I steamed cleaned the carpet in there. The other day I decided that it didn't matter that Ian wants his room messy...I love the hardwood flooring in there so I cleaned up the floor, put all the clothes that I can't stand of his into the goodwill box, and threw all his broken toys in the garbage. The rest of his toys went into his toybox, I cleaned and oiled the floors. Instead of cooking supper tonight I decided that I was tired of my flowers dying outside so I went out there and watered them, and got the weeds out. As I stood out there looking at the flowers and the water hose, I realized....do what makes me happy and smile. All this time I've been trying to do what I thought would make everyone else happy or was practical. So what if I have a disposal sitting next to the washer, complete with the stuff to wire it and plumb it. Its been sitting there since March, and will sit there until I decide that grinding up food would make me smile. Until then, I'm only doing what makes me happy. It made me smile to tear the border above the chair rail in the living room down. Pretty, but not me. It didn't make me smile. I had been thinking that a sun room off that room would be nice, but hey!....I have a set of french style doors, a glass panelled door, a huge picture window and a smaller window all in that one room. I like wicker furniture, makes me smile, so I'm going to paint the lower walls a pretty blue, the upper walls a 'smiling yellow', take the chair rail down, pull up the baseboards and replace them with a more squared look...take lattice and paint it a wonderful color (maybe white) and put it around the lower edge. Buy wicker furniture, and accessorize...and guess what...I have a different kind of sunroom that I think will make me smile. Throw in some of those tall, tropical looking potted plants....sounds so refreshing, relaxing...

Everything I do today and hopefully for the rest of my life will be "selfish", and if everything I do is legal, moral and done responsibly, how can the rest of the family/world not benefit! Its hard for me to do anything when its a 'need to do' or a 'should do'. What, is the world going to come to an end if I don't!? Yes, I'm going to pay the electric bill....having electricity makes me smile (not to mention the computer runs on electricity and I go through withdrawals if I can't access the net!).....

Guess I need to try to go back to sleep. For the first time in awhile I actually was tired at a normal time of night. Problem: woke up refreshed and ready to go 3 hours later (midnight). Oh heck, probably not. Made a little dress yesterday and want to see how it will look on a doll....I want to go make a doll to put it on.

-Kay
 
  #30  
Old 06-21-02, 07:09 PM
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Kaybyrd drank Miracle Grow?

Kaybyrd, you are just bursting at the seams! Did you drink Miracle Grow? The tone of your posts have changed since I first met you. You seem to have released the creatively starved side of yourself and are growing by leaps and bounds! You are an inspiration.
 
  #31  
Old 06-22-02, 07:03 PM
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Unhappy

Not bursting at the seams tonight, more like coming apart at the seams. Will make this short since I am craving a bath and bed right now. Has been a very long, trying and stressful day today. My SIL called to say that Danny (my hubby's brother) told her that his chest was hurting and since she was at work could I run by there and check on him. Hell, I called the paramedics and met them over there. I took him from there (after they said it could have been a small stroke) to the emergency room. Something caused the baseline to keep jumping. We needed to find out why. I took him there (ER), called his wife back to let her know to meet us there instead of at the house. Called my husband, who just so happened to be working working with his other brother, and tried my best not to alarm them. Hard to be calming to others when I'm a nervous wreck. After waiting forever, we got those tests back that confirmed that it wasn't a stroke, however could be either his heart or stomach. A specialist would be taking over, and he would have to spend the night. Mike and I waited until he was in a private room before we decided we should go on home. I'm tired from worrying, tired from trying to be strong for everyone else, tired from trying to keep the children from worrying, and keeping them happy while in the waiting room. Eventually Susan and Jeff took their baby home, and they took my 15yr old daughter and Danny & Bridgett's 8 yr old to my house.

Mike and I did take a small break from the hospital to get us something to eat. I hadn't eaten all day and felt like I was going to fall out. We did go by WalMart and picked up some silly toys to keep Danny occupied while there. A mini chalkboard, a remote control car (hooked to the remote so he couldn't run it down the hall and around the corner *lol), a groovy pen to write with, and a small poker machine. Oh well am tired of being an adult right now so I'm going to climb into the bath and try to unwind a little.

-Kay
 
  #32  
Old 06-22-02, 07:30 PM
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Kaybyrd!

I told you that you were one helluva a woman! You sound like me. Strong as nails in a crisis for everyone else. Falling apart at the seams and a clouded mind when it comes to figuring out what we need to do for ourselves. Yet, we somehow always know what to do for everyone else.

I hope that hot bath and a good night's sleep refresh you. You did everything you knew how to do. Everything else for your brother-in-law is in the expert hands of those with more power than us.

You have my support, love, and prayers.

I think I posted in another thread a crazy song I saw Lucy Arnez singing on TV the other evening. It has been going through my head for days. "If you're ever in a jam, here I am. If you ever need a pal, I'm your gal." I think I posted it in response to one of your posts and commented that the obsession was secondary to my always being on a soap box about how we women have to be the life savers for everyone around us and there is nothing left over for us.
 
  #33  
Old 06-22-02, 09:31 PM
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My lavender bath was wonderful, but not nearly as wonderful as talking to my best friend. Just as you said I seem to be strong for everyone else, she is the same way, even asking if she should come here (she lives in Paducah, KY and I live near Memphis, TN). Tonight she was strong for me. She verbally held me, and hugged me. Told me that I did all the right things and that she was proud of me. She has taught me well in the ways of the medical world, questions to ask, who to ask. When I forget to ask the doctors, nurses, etc. she is always willing to explain it to me, or look it up. Really nice having a registered nurse as a best friend!

I did tell her that she was sitting on my shoulder the whole night. I needed her, so I put her there. I would ask myself "what would susie do?", and remember things that she has told me before. She shares a lot of her day on the job with me at night. I listen to the what the situation was, and then what was done to handle the situation. I tell you, I love listening to her day because it makes me feel more a part of her life. I can visualize her any time during the day and what she might be doing. Today I realized that in listening, really listening to her it has benefited me, my family and my brother in law. I've heard many times, from people much wiser than me that "if you close your mouth your ears will open. There is much you can learn when you're mouth is shut". Today is case in point.

I didn't panic, I just did. It was also a comfort today to know that at some point I could visit my other 'haven'...these forums and be with my online family. All of you were in my mind and heart today, and even tho I didn't post until tonight, I felt you guys with me, too. It gave me strength, even when I just wanted to run. When the kids were running around in the waiting room, instead of losing my temper or crying or running away myself, I kept hearing Twelvepole and "Kaybyrd, you're one helluva woman", and Chelle calling me her 'dear sister', and Meadowravens inspirations reminding me that 'service to others' IS important to me and my spiritual growth and sanity. I love you all, and I am truly a much stronger and more fullfilled person today from knowing all of you. Tom, I ..... hey, where is Tom? Haven't seen from or heard from him in awhile. I would like to thank him for 'accepting' my application to moderate pets. It has opened up a whole new world for me.

Night guys, everyone is finally settled in, and now its time for me to do the same.

-Kay
 
  #34  
Old 06-23-02, 07:57 AM
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Update on Danny

Bridgett called this morning and said they're going to run a Catscan on Danny today. They can't find out what's causing the problems. She didn't mention a GI scan, tho. It was brought up yesterday that he may have something wrong with his stomach that is causing this, however, since the specialist reviewed his chart this morning it may have been ruled out. The not knowing is bothering me. Right now they're looking for blood clots, etc. To me not finding anything is just as scary as finding something.

Will keep you posted. Have to admit this is scary. I was grateful this morning when I woke up since I fell straight to sleep last night, and slept deeply with no dreams.

I am afraid that I don't know how to handle their son. He is under discliplined (I believe I can cope with watching him non-stop) however, this is bothering him, too. His attention span is less than 2.5 seconds. He would rather ignore it than face it or his feelings and he is acting out. I usually don't watch Zachary since he is so hard to handle to begin with, however this situation is different. He will listen to his mom somewhat so when Danny is having the tests run she is going to pick Zach up and spend time with him. I think that will help him a lot. He misses his mom, too. Maybe it will help after I pick up my son from his dad's. Maybe Ian can help him through this somehow. Stranger things have happened! Ian may be the demon child at times, but he does have a big heart, too.

-Kay
 
  #35  
Old 06-23-02, 09:34 AM
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The invincible Kaybyrd!

How old is Zachary? Perhaps making get well cards or drawing get well pictures for Danny would help make the little one feel involved and making a contribution. An outing to pick out some flowers and magazines could be fun and productive. Can Zachary go to the hospital to visit and help hang the pictures on the walls? Physical activities that involve the big muscles tend to keep kids busy and release tension and stress, and they make kids tired and they sleep better.

During this difficult time, your family can help Danny's family cope with this disaster. Children, in particular, need help coping. Remember, adults model coping skills that children learn. Perhaps the following will be helpful:

http://www.naspcenter.org/safe_schools/coping.html
 
  #36  
Old 06-23-02, 10:50 AM
GwyniChaela
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Hey there Kay..

I wish I were there to hold you and offer support. I hope that your family will do so for me.

My thoughts and prayers are with you through this. I am so glad that we here at DIY can be there at least in spirit to 'hold your hand'...

As for your nephew, Twelvepole made some awesome suggestions. Young kids simply don't understand, and for most something like this is their first brush with having to think about their own mortality. That makes it an even more difficult situation for them. Coming up with small ways for him to be involved will help him out. Ask him for his ideas on what he could do as well. He may enjoy being put in charge of the 'get well' crew! If I were you I'd also keep him as physically busy as possible. Not only will that help release any pent up energy, but it will also keep him from brooding and could stem some of the acting out he is exhibiting.
When I nannied years ago, the family I took care of separated. I got caught in the middle of two kids who didn't understand why daddy moved out. Mom became the bad guy, and I became the punching bag. Their oldest was five or six and the baby was just 3. They were little devils to begin with, but thru all this, I had to put all sharp objects on top of the fridge. They were duly punished, (and I certainly don't condone being abused by your charges...) but more than anything I had to keep them busy - and be there to hold them when they couldn't take the stress anymore. They needed someone who understood them and was there to hold them when mom was to busy to pay attention to them (sound familiar?)


I hope my stupid, but true story offers you some advice, and keep me up on what's going down at your place. If needed, you can fly him up my way for a few days!!! lol

Take care beautiful, strong Kay...
 
  #37  
Old 06-23-02, 11:12 AM
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Putting Zachary in charge of the Get Well Crew!

An excellent idea, Chelle. Depending on his age, it would give Zachary a sense of pride and self-esteem. In addition of being responsible for the Get Well Crew, he will develop a sense of control.

I once knew a high school principal that put a 'troubled' boy in charge of a new anti-litter campaign. His 'gang' joined him in policing the grounds, making sure trash cans were in the right places, and were dumped. These kids went from feeling on the 'outside' to being part of the 'inside.' Because they were now put in a different role at the school, one that gave them a sense of pride, there were no more discipline problems out of the boys.
 
  #38  
Old 06-24-02, 06:37 AM
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Zach had so much fun making get well posters, cards and who knows what else. I thought he was going to go crazy waiting for me to get back from picking up Ian so I could take him to the hospital. He got even antsier when I did get home because I stopped by the hospital (I pass it on the way home) and stopped in. His mom was coming to get him, and he kept asking when was she going to be here!

She got here, picked him up and was going to take Elizabeth (my 15yr old) up to there and I was going to pick them up later. She didn't make it down the street before Danny called and said that he was being released. Apparently he had a 'mini stroke', and the clot was gone. I will have to find out more about that one. I had mis-posted earlier that they ruled out stroke, they had ruled out heart attack. My apologies...brain definitely not working at its best the past couple of days. Just like I remember the 'right is tight, and left is loose' I have to remember that a heart attack is caused by blockage to the heart, and a stroke is blockage to the brain. I'm not sure how they go about determining these things (clot gone, etc), but I am going to try to rest assured that the doctors know what they're doing.

I have Zach today. Will be watching him for the next two weeks while they find another sitter. I hope they know I'm serious that I mean two weeks, not three or four, two. They will have to understand that I have waited for years for my children to grow up some so that I could have a little more freedom. My time is now, and I don't watch other children during the day. There are so many things that I've put on hold until I felt the kids were old enough to not need me 24/7. I am hoping to go back to school this fall while mine are in school. Not sure what for, just go maybe. Take a couple of classes and then take it from there. I also have started something that I didn't think would go anywhere. Still may not, but I made some dolls and tried to sell them on eBay. I sold them, got an order on the side, and already have bidders on the next set. I've got to get busy! They take time to make, and I'm picky about how they're made. I don't know if a child is going to end up with them or not so they HAVE to be childproof/safe. I don't plan on getting rich this way, however, it is exciting for me.

Am fixing to get sewing. I had to apologize to my 'special order' for not having them ready to ship today. My whole weekend was spent at the hospital and trying to fetch my kids! She was understanding and I'm grateful.

-Kay
 
  #39  
Old 06-24-02, 04:45 PM
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The saga!

Sounds like you are getting things under control again. Zachary sounds like he has calmed down. I agree that your generosity should not exceed two weeks for volunteer child care.

Although a mini-stroke is not good, it could have been a lot more serious. Let's hope with doctor's care, diet, and exercise that our patient can head off future problems.

Kaybyrd, doll maker! Kaybyrd, eBay entrepreneur! Kaybyrd, student! What a woman!
 
  #40  
Old 06-24-02, 11:21 PM
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Been a long day today. Trying to catch up on things I left undone this weekend and trying to keep up with the current. Its been good, though. No problems with Zach today. His parents let him run wild and do whatever he wants to do. Hard for him to adjust here. He does listen to Elizabeth, which is great since she's the one babysitting him. Tomorrow I may be pulling my hair out since we're watching Bridgett's other son too. He's 4. Also terribly undisciplined, and probably the most confused child I've ever known. Bridgett and her ex share custody of him. One week at mom's, one week at dad's, one week at moms,......How can any judge make that kind of decision. Can you honestly imagine a 4 year old being shuffled back and forth every week? What kind of consistency or stability can that offer him? As an adult, I could not stand it if I had to move constantly. It took me a month to get where this house felt like a home after we moved in, can you imagine how ungrounded this child feels? If I were the judge, I honest to God would not have given custody to either of the parents.

I've gone over to visit and found both the boys outside, in the backyard (which bumps up against a dirt bike track) playing while both Danny and their mother were either drunk or asleep (same difference). My other SIL is wondering how she is going to handle the conversation that WILL arise in two weeks. Her answer to them is going to be no as far as watching their kids. She is trying to raise her own 3, and keep her sanity. She is unhappy here, and wants to move back to North Carolina. The only reason they're here is because Jeff can't find work in his field there, and he's tried others but can't make the money he needs to support his family.

I'm finding it very difficult to work on my dolls with Zach here. It has taken me literally all day to make 1 dress and 1 pants outfit. I'm not even through with the pants outfit. Wouldn't bother me except it for my order. Normally I would be through with the clothing and be starting on the detailing of the dolls faces. That should be fun tomorrow.

I know what I'm doing...sitting on my pitty potty and already ruining tomorrow and its not even here. I don't know how its going to go tomorrow. May not even be a problem.

Guess I'm going to try to go on to bed instead of finishing the outfits. Good night sleep, and a fresh start tomorrow with a positive attitude. Sounds like a good 'recipe' for a decent day tomorrow.

-Kay
 
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