ok its probably not that bad, but my 3 1/2 year old wont go to bed. weve tried alot of different things, such as no sugary snacks b4 bed, story time, quiet play, etc. her 5 year old sister whom she shares a room with goes to bed at the same time, and has no problem falling out even with the little distraction in her room. she (3 1/2 yearold), talks, sings, fidigets, anything she can do to keep her self up. my wife and i are at our wits end because all we can do to get her to go out is to lay in bed w/ her and either rub her back, or cuddle w/ her till she goes. this is as far as im concerned, not healthy, and i hate the thought of setting a precedent w/ her that her sister will want a part of. any suggestions b4 i go get the benadryl???

 

1. Have you already eliminated daytime naps?
2. Earlier wake-up time in the a.m.
3. Leave her alone; as long as she isn't distrubing her sibling, no need to get all stressed out over it (save the stress for when she's a teenager). I second the non-healthy thought on back-rubs, etc; likely to only make it worse.

 

wakeup time is @ 6am, bedtime is 730-8pm. daytime naps are hit or miss, on weekends if we are driving or she is watching tv during the afternoon, she will go out easily but we dont let her sleep for too long. the only problem w/ letting it go is she is so cranky and out of sorts during the day that it appears she needs the sleep.

 

One thing that I've learned from having young children is consistency! Since you already have a set time for getting up, make sure the bedtime is the same time every night. It also helps if the bath time, and quiet time before bed is very routine. Once I got the routine going, my kids used to ask me if it was bedtime yet!

Dinner was at the same time every night, even weekends, as was the time they went to bed and got up. Baths were taken while I fixed dinner, and then after dinner a little tv (movie I chose or cartoon - nothing exciting or you will have a little actor or actress reinacting the scenes!) and then we would all climb into one of the kid's beds for story time.

At first I thought this would be too hard on me as I was a single mom with two children a year and 9 months apart. Actually, it helped me as a mom to have story time, etc. since it helped me to gear down too so that after they were asleep and my house was 'put to bed' I could go straight to sleep. I could get up a little earlier than they did so I could have a few minutes to wake up, and then woke them up at the same time every day.

Hope this helps, please remember it takes a little while for the routine to become an actual routine so be patient, but consistent.

Kay

 

These are great ideas posted here. I'll just add- first this is such a common problem at this age! You are fortunate that she isn't also howling at bedtime and racing to get into your bed. Kids at this age get a huge charge from the day, just excited about being up and about, involved with everything. They also have pretty immature systems in terms of "self regulation"- they just need a lot of help (some more than others) to adjust their state of arousal- especially when it comes to calming down. It can be hard to let go and wind down and say goodbye to the day. Another factor is a 3 year old's ambivilance about separating from mom and dad. Falling asleep in their own little bed can stir that up and they try to stay up, entertaining and comforting themselves to deal with it- that's why cuddling at bedtime helps her fall asleep. You are staying with her when she is feeling more vulnerable and you are helping her calm down. I would suggest that you still fit in cuddle time before she falls asleep- this might be a nice time to quietly chat about the day and help her get some sense of "closure" for the day's activities. But then leave before she actually falls asleep so she falls asleep on her own- let her know that this is the plan so she isn't surprised and anxious when she finds herself alone. Also she should have a special stuffed animal or doll that will serve the purpose of keeping her company and helping her fall asleep- again tell her that is what it is for. After cuddling time "talk" to the doll and tell it to stay with your daughter and keep her safe, etc etc. And I agree it's OK if she stays up a bit longer- I would ignore this "staying up" behavior as long as she stays in bed and doesn't disturb her sister. Good luck.

 

Consistency is the key. Bedtime is bedtime. Lights out. No back rubs or attention after lights out. You are reinforcing negative behavior. The child will end up in control of bedtime ritual. Fidgeting, talking, singing, or whatever should be ignored. Lights out means lights out and sleepy time. Back rubs, staying in the bedroom, and any other behavior on part of parents reinforces the child's behavior and attention getting devices and prolongs and reinforces the desire to keep parents up and awake.

 

Twelvepole is correct! My mom preached that to me only after having to enduring backrubs everynight, plus me jumping around the room and talking to myself during my childhood. She told me that I would be better off just rocking my kids for a little bit, maybe reading to them while I did it, but never rock them until they were asleep, just calmed down and relaxed.

I haven't had the troubles getting my kids to sleep by listening to my mom's 'lesson well learned'.

Now, I wish I could get the 12 year old to go to sleep. She is so quiet but is laying awake thinking. Guess its the preteen thing, but its so hard for her to get up in the morning.

Kay

 

Update: thnx to all of you for your replies. things have been better recently, ive taken suggestions and have put them into practice. it seems like when i charge batman (her favorite stuffed toy) with the duty of keeping her in bed, and tell her to hold him tight she feels a sense of purpose and b4 she realizes it we are out of the room and she passes out. thank you again for all the help. Geez every thing in the house has an owners manual except the kids. I'm glad this site is here!!!

 

I'm glad that things are going better for you and your family.

I got to thinking (I know, scary thought!) about how what we recommend shouldn't be taken cut and dry. The schedule that I spoke of that worked for me and my children years ago wouldn't work for someone else, or for us today. Too many new things in life that wouldn't allow for us to remain consistent.

I used to pull out the pots and pans to cook supper. My oldest would start gathering her toys for the tub without even being told that it was bathtime. It was just routine. Every day, same time. The big difference: my kitchen was directly across from the bathroom. This would not have been wise to have a 6 yr old in a tub alone if say the bathroom is down the hall and around the corner. If you are a church goer, then 7:00 and in the 'momma bed' for story time wouldn't work everyday, same time deal. If I were dating, or working odd shifts then it would have been impossible for me to keep the routine for the children. They have daily clocks at that age, not weekly ones.

I'm really glad that things are working out better. Its nice that it was something simple with batman to help it work out instead of having to reschedule your lives! I believe that when my mother helped me to develop the schedule that we used for years, she was doing it moreso to help me keep on track. I was 'lost as an easter egg' most of the time. If I had no direction, then how on earth could my kids possibly either?

Kay

 

I have had the worst time with my oldest. Shes been a little bug all her life about bed!! Part of it is dad. She can be fast asleep, but he walks in the door (downstairs from her bedroom) and BAM!! shes awake!!

Since I was staying at home.....I started enforcing bigtime rules and changes. 0700 up, 1930 bed. That's baby's schedule, so that's what the older girls get. We have allowed our older girls to have a tv and vcr in their room. They also are only allowed a very MINIMAL amount of television during the day.

Now, typically between 1800-1900..they are upstairs, getting out pj's and picking out a movie!! *that allows them time to say nighht to daddy when he gets home!!* I am always so happy when they come up to me and say..'Mommy? Can we go upstairs in jammies and watch *insert movie*'

I love it. They get baths in the morning, so bedtime is SO easy now!!

<sigh> The life with a routine is a million times less stressfull!!!

 

Life with a routine is a million times life stressful.

I believe that says it all.

 

Its all thats gettin me thru these days

 

well it seems we finally took care of the not sleeping problem(he says as he crosses his fingers toes and eyes). in the weeks building up to her 4th birthday we made a real big deal about the fact that she was going to be a big girl of 4 and was leaving the baby years behind her. with some praise and support, she has been going straight to bed w/o any problems. it has only been a week though so we'll see how things work out in the long run. just another thanks to all who posted back to me w/ helpful ideas!!!


Frank

 

There may be some regression from time to time. Remember to be consistent and maintain the routine. You will find it more difficult to get back in the routine after overnight trips to granny's or vacation. After a day or two of the routine, all should be well again. Sometimes when you have out of town guests who stay with you, it also upsets the routine. When you have guests, maintain the routine. It's difficult, though, when visitors have children and your child wants to stay up to play. Maintain the routine and say, "I'm sorry, darling, but it is your bedtime, and your little cousin will be going to be in just a few minutes."