My oldest daughter is almost 8 years old and in 2nd grade. She is a very good girl. Very outgoing in things outside of school. She plays hockey and tries very hard. Her teachers this year say that she works very hard in school too, but she has needed extra help in reading and also in math (part of the math problems she has are due to the fact that she has problems with reading)

So anyway she gets extra help outside of the classroom with two different teachers (one for reading and one for math). Both of them told me at conferences that she works very hard and has had lots of improvement this year.

I have been on her at home about reading and spelling words and homework. I remind her everyday, but she doesn't put forth much effort on her own. I check her homework and let her know what needs to be fixed and she doesn't fix it, just hands it in that way, unless I sit down with her and make sure she does it. At home she sometimes does her work in such a hurry that she doesn't do it right or its impossible to read and shes not learning anything.

She doesn't always bring home things that she needs (homework and spelling words) The past week and a half she told me that her teacher still had her homework book and she didn't bring home her spelling words last week at all and did horrible on the last two tests. She also gets in trouble for not bringing things home.

My younger daughter is almost 7 and she has been studying on her own, well she is also reminded, but then she takes care of it and is very motivated at home as well as during school. I also think it is easier for her.

Anyway, the oldest is really behind right now and Im going though her homework and spelling words that I just found last night for last week and she hasn't studied the ones for this week yet either. Im talking to her about doing good in school and how she has to be responsible for somethings, and that she is going to have to do last weeks test (because she did so poorly) and this weeks test, because Im going to call her teacher and tell her so.

At this point she start crying and telling me that it is too hard because she is missing class to go to extra reading and math classes. And that the reading classes are during the times when they celebrate b-days and have treats and stuff and she misses those things. She is still crying and telling me that she does not want to go the reading class anymore because of this and because the reading teacher grabs her arm sometimes and hurts her....... and that she doesn't want me to say anything about it.
Im feeling really bad for her to begin with because she is missing out on the fun stuff about school and also because she seems to be trying her best, on all accounts except at home. I know this because everyone of her teachers has told me so.

Im debating about addressing the reading teacher about her grabbing my daughters arm right now, but also Im not sure if my daughter may be stretching the truth because she doesn't like the class for other reasons.

I told my daughter that school is almost over and that she may not have to take extra reading classes next year because she has improved so much and if she keeps it up during the summer she should not need the extra help anymore.

Also I have signed both daughters up for summer school to help them out a bit, I have not done this b4, because I didn't do it when I was young, but now I think it is important.

Anyway, I was wondering what should I do about the reading teacher if anything and what else can I do to help my daughter this summer, especially things that will keep her motivated.

 

Sounds like you are going through A LOT. (I take it you are a single mother?)

To answer your question about the reading teacher. Don't debate about it. Just talk to the teacher. It never hurts. It only hurts if you don't do anything about it. First confront your daughter and let her know you are going to talk to the teacher about the situation. At least you don't end up doing this behind her back. She might not like it but even though she is young, good communication is always best. You don't have to yell at the teacher but talk to the teacher and tell the teacher what you know. I'm sure if the teacher hurt your child by pulling her arm he/she wouldn't admit to that, but if the teacher did do this and you confronted the teacher about it, it would stop. Don't disbelieve your child in any situation. Sometimes kids makes things up but it would put your mind at ease that you did something about it. Or if it's possible, get another teacher for her.

One suggestion, you might want to try to "reward" your daughter everytime she completed an assignment or redo a test, or corrected her homework, etc. I've always hated the idea of giving kids rewards for doing something, but it seems nowadays, that's the only way to get them to do anything! I've tried it with my son (who's now 11) and it's working out great. Sometimes the reward might not be big enough to motivate them so have several options of rewards. I don't mean "let's go to Disneyland" or anything like that though. Don't let it become a bribe...make sure it's a reward.

 

Im not a single mother, I have someone to help me and hes great, but not the dad........though he would like to be. Im a young mother of 3, started young (im 25 now) and still struggling through it I guess. Wishin I had all the answers.

I also think I should talk to the teacher, I have alot to do b4 school is out, making sure my daughter gets everything caught up and all........

What do you think about her having friends over and stuff, I alot of times say no because she has other more important things to take care of, but alot of times I let her anyway because I think she really does try hard at school. Maybe I should be more of an all or nothing type of person, either she has everything caught up and can do other things or she doesn't and doesn't do anything? Thats how Brandon (my boyfriend) would do it, except for hockey, hes really supportive of that!!!!

 

Assuming you are getting the straight story on the reading teacher [not a given at that age] her conduct would not only be unprofessional but in any school district I know of also in violation of staff rules and in some cases illegal. I would speak to the teacher in the presence of an administrator - Principal or Asst Principal.

 

Deb, ALL parents wish they had the answers to everything. It'd be great wouldn't it? Sorry, I wasn't trying to get in your personal business about being a single mom. I'm kinda like you except only with 1 child and that's hard enough. I can't imagine 3. My boyfriend is around too but he doesn't live with us so....

Not trying to be hard on you but, no more excuses...talk to the teacher. I know you must have tons to do. But I think right now the most important one is to talk to the teacher. Think about it...say something WAS going on with that teacher and your daughter was getting hurt and you never said anything or did anything about it...and your only reply to that would be I had a lot to do...I didn't have the time. How would that sound? Not good right?

Sounds like your little girl has a lot of things going on for her...study this, study that...which isn't a bad thing but yeah, try and level it out by letting her friends go over and play. Kids have to be kids and still have fun. If she does have things she needs to do...of course, 1st things 1st. But don't overwhelm her. Or cut the assignments (or whatever) in half. Have her do some, go play and then come back and finish. Whatever seems to work.

 

Oh, I wasn't meaning that I wasn't going to talk to her about it, just rambling and thinking while typing.

I just got back from the school, I talked to all of her teachers about her performance, she does well with everything except reading. They all say shes really attentive and well behaved so I dont really understand what reason the teacher could have for grabbing her arm.

I only briefly talked with my daughter about it and I want to talk with her more b4 talking to the teacher, its hard at that age to know for sure what actually happened......she made it sound as though its happened more than once......that it has happened several times, if thats the case then there is something wrong, and possibly more needs to be done than addressing it with the teacher.

 

Absolutely!

 

talking with the school won't do anygood why do you think kids bring guns to school they tell the teachers and princibles about it but nothing is ever done so they take matters in there own hands I was pulled from school because i got in to many fights and refused to go back i even played hooky for a whole week just rode around on my bike untill a school superviser saw me a told the school this was in highschool just to let you know this is true its in the news everyday i don't think your daughter would make that up but who knows you could talk to the school you could talk to your daughter more and pressure her more to see if shes telling the truth if this was my daughter and this really happend i would go down and sue the teacher and the school and press charges cause thats child abuse teachers are not allowed to hit or touch students at least here in michigan is this a privite school or public either way its against the law and somthing needs to be done before it gets worse.

 

No, talking to the school, supervisor, teacher..whatever...is a START. I agree with you Lex about how things are ran in school nowadays but there are some good schools, teachers, etc. out there that will do things about every little thing. I know it depends, but you have to start somewhere to get answers, right?

You shouldn't "pressure" any kids...no matter what age they are. You just have to ask the right questions.

 

I think the arm grabbing issue has been covered. I think the reading problem is either lack of ability or lack of effort. Lack of ability would likely show up in other places, so I deem this unlikely. Lack of effort seems the likely answer here. She has already mentioned some of the reasons she has for not trying (b-days and the like), but it's time to be a parent and not a friend. Academics come first, everything else afterward. If she's being spread too thin with activities like hockey, it's time for them to go. If they're important to her, she'll get the grades up so she can play again.

 

did you find out anything from the school yet as to whats going on

 

We had this problem with one of our kids. We ended up having an assignment sheet sent home everyday. Each teacher would write the assignments due on a piece of paper. If the paper didn't come home from school, we had grade appropriate books he had to read and explain to us that day. Since most schools have e-mail access, we could talk to the teachers each day if necessary. Since reading and math are the two main subjects that have "special tests" that must be passed in most school now, we wanted to help bolster the studying in these subjects. It all comes down to education before fun. If your Daughter wants the fun stuff, she will have to do the required things first. Good luck.

 

Sounds like the teacher grabbing thing is a deflection to make you worry more about the teacher than the goal you have for your child. Have you seen bruises on the arm that would indicate that there was any sort of abuse? If not, I wouldn't allow the child to run you in circles and lose the focus of what you're really after (although, it's always good to talk to teachers to get the real skinny).

My two children, who graduated from high school 2 years ago, had very different study habits, but both achieved essentially straight A's (and continue to do so in college). I believe that there was nothing magic about this. They both understood the rules: come home and do homework first, we'll check to see that the homework was done properly, and then they were free to play. If homework isn't done properly, then go back and do it right, then they could play. We never got hung up on what they played (some parents are obsessive about TV, video games, etc), we just gave them time to have fun when they were done with their responsibilities. This young age is absolutely critical to establishing the good study habits, because the distractions only get worse as they get older. And what makes them particularly happy and motivates them is when they achieve, and you recognize it with praise and rewards (it's really okay to take them out for ice cream when they've done well).

But negative reinforcement is important, too. Right now, the child needs to understand that the consequences of performing under your expectations are that she has to do more reading when the other kids are playing. When she meets your expectations, then she gets to play.

Here's some suggestions on increasing her performance:

1. Read with her. Read a book together and talk about it. Some of the books that the young kids love are Goosebumps, but really any book that the child is interested in is just fine...you want to make reading fun and not a chore.
2. Have fun spelling tests with her. I used to do spelling tests by reciting the word and then making a silly sentence out of it to make them laugh. They actually looked forward to tests.
3. Have her read during the summer so she can catch up. Ask her about what she read and show interest.
4. When travelling, get books on tape that also have the book with it. She can follow the words in the book while she's listening to the tape.

You're doing the right thing by ensuring that her reading skills are good. Without reading skills, she can't progress in any subject. It's hard to see your kid cry, but that's just the way it is when a kid's unhappy. If you concede when the crying starts, then you've lost, and when you lose, the kid will lose in the future (it's too bad kids don't understand that...but I know I didn't understand that when I was growing up...did you???).

Finally, never stop telling your kids that you love them.

Good luck.

 

I talked to her teachers about her performance and all said that she is making good effort during school except the reading teacher, who said that my daughter is a very reluctant reader. I asked her for ideas to help her out this summer and keep her from falling behind even more and hopefully progress some. She was very helpful and gave me her home phone so I could call her this summer if I run out of things to do with my daughter.

When I talked more with my daughter about the incidents and when they happened, she said that it had happened twice, once at the beginning of the year and once a couple of days b4.
I looked at her arm a second time, there were no buises or any signs indicating harm was done to her. I also think that she may be trying to redirect my focus on her progress.

I decided to let her know that if her teacher is grabbing her arm or anything else that makes her uncomfortable that it is wrong, and she needs to stand up for herself and others and let the teacher know that she is hurting her. And let me know right away what happened. My daughter feels a big responsibility to whats right and wrong so I know that she will stand up for herself if this ever happens again, now that she knows its wrong.

Thank you all for your opinions, and helpful advice. Thanks rpt for all the ideas on homework and reading. Any more ideas are also welcome!!!!!