Oil Change

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  #1  
Old 10-12-10, 06:01 PM
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Oil Change

OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS FOR WOMEN:

(1) Pull up to Peak Automotive when it is time for your next oil change

(2) Relax in a massage chair with a glass of wine, soda, coffee, or cappuccino while reading the latest Oprah, Parenting, or Shape Magazine or working on your laptop.

(3) 45 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle where the fluids have been topped off, car has been washed, tires rotated, and courtesty inspection completed.


Money Spent

Oil Change: $34.95 (non-synthetic oil change)
Wireless access: FREE
Glass of wine, soda, or coffee: FREE
Courtesy Inspection: FREE
Massage in chair: FREE
Total cost of peace of mind knowing your car is maintained: PEAKFULLY PRICELESS


OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS FOR MEN:

(1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00

(2) Stop by liquor store and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20.00, drive home.

(3) Open a beer and drink it.

(4) Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. Jack car up.

(5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

(6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

(7) Place drain pan under engine.

(8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

(9) Give up and use crescent wrench.

(10) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on face and arms in process. Cuss.

(11) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

(12) Have another beer while watching oil drain.

(13) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

(14) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.

(15) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil
everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties.

(16)Drink a beer.

(17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener work.

(18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it to recycle.

(19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.

(20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.

(21) Walk to store; buy beer.

(22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.

(23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

(24) Remember drain plug from step 11.

(25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

(26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard along with drain plug.

(27) Drink beer.

(28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas.

(29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.

(30) Drink beer.

(31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily
rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.

(32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.

(33) Begin cussing fit.

(34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.

(35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December (1992).

(36) Beer.

(37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.

(38) Beer.

(39) Beer.

(40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

(41) Beer.

(42) Lower car from jack stands.

(43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.

(44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43.

(45) Beer.

(46) Test drive car.

(47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

(48) Car gets impounded.

(49) Call loving wife, make bail.

(50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money Spent
Parts: $50.00
DUI: $2500.00
Impound fee: $75.00
Bail: $1500.00
Beer: $40.00
Total: $4165.00 -- But you know the job was done right!

Beer 4U2
 
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  #2  
Old 10-12-10, 07:43 PM
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Posts: 2,230


Not entirely true for the ladies......

My First girlfriend Built and drove the car that WHIPPED MY ARSE.....By 7 lengths.

They arent all incompetent..
 
  #3  
Old 10-12-10, 07:50 PM
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: USA
Posts: 6,126
It is almost as much as the REAL cost of cutting fire wood - buying a saw, splitter, new 4WD truck that seems ridiculous , but kind of puts some DIY projects into perspective regarding the "hidden" costs.

I do use Mobil 1, but I buy it at Walmart and get it changed and serviced by a local mechanic for $8-$10 labor and disposal. - His suggestion.

Dick
 
  #4  
Old 10-13-10, 07:23 AM
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Location: Texas
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What makes this a funny story is that most if not everyone has lived through a version of this saga at some early point in their lives. I forgot to lube the filter seal once and had 2 hours of fun during my next oil change. I dug a hole once too. Anybody ever tossed a battery to the curb in the good ole days? I might have done that also.
 
  #5  
Old 10-13-10, 04:12 PM
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Much easier to have a large piece of cardboard under the car instead of the cat litter. While i do see the humor in the above, I am just offering a practical tip.
 
  #6  
Old 10-13-10, 04:23 PM
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Texas
Posts: 171
Sounds like my dad when I was a kid!

But he changed the oil in the street and had the 5 quarts going down the curb when he forgot the drain plug. I know because I crashed my bike when I rode home that day. It never rains in Southern California, so for months the whole neighborhood saw the old man's handywork.
Yes to the beer, and YES he dumped all the used oil/filters over our back fence.

If I didn't crash and subsequently tell him, he probably would have seized the engine on the next day's early morning commute. Then he would have to ride his bike
 
  #7  
Old 10-23-10, 11:49 AM
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Location: Winnipeg MB, Canada.
Posts: 188
I always change my own. Use full Syn oil and a quality filter.
Then I know it's done right.
 
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